Hello everyone. My name is Scarlett and I’m 33 years old. I live in Portugal and I’ve been a writer ever since I can remember.
I’ve been a psychiatric patient since 2000, which implies that I have a mental condition and that I take medicine. Medication affected my creativity. In some ways, it’s my fault and my addiction’s fault. If I had stopped smoking weed many years ago, I would probably be medication free by now. 2 out of 3 BPD (borderline personality disorder)patients have an addiction, it’s part of the condition: risky behavior, self-destructive behavior and lack of impulse control. 2 out of 3 means there is a chance, it is possible to stay clean. That’s what I want and I will be documenting my journey with addiction, BPD, depression and all that comes with it.
All of this has definitely affected my writing skills and my ability to express myself that’s why I thought that starting a blog would be a good idea. A way to start writing regularly again, having a writing routine and creating a new habit, so I can construct a healthy routine to keep me occupied at this time. It’s a time where I’m still pretty much deciding what I am going to with my life at this point. I guess I’m a late bloomer but I shall bloom nonetheless. 🙂
I will tell you about my past and what I’ve been through and I would love you to comment and tell me your thoughts.
1999 was the year I started smoking joints. At first, it was an occasional thing but it became a habit. I was the only addict in my group of friends and all of them tried it like me. I guess I won the lottery of addiction and, boy, what a prize that is.
As a toddler, I had meningitis and people who have meningitis as children are more prone to have a psychotic episode. I had my first one at 21. Entered a cycle, psychosis, recovery, relapse, psychosis… and psychotic episodes impair one’s judgment a lot, even after it is gone. Its after-effects are devastating and it can take a couple of years to fully recover. I had my last psychotic episode in 2016 and I can still feel low on empathy, flattened emotions, not many things are pleasurable to me, etc. I’m also dealing with depression since 2001, it’s also a struggle.
I try to look at the silver-lining and I have to say that all these experiences, emotions, all I’ve dealt with made me emotionally stronger and more grounded.When I’m not feeling ok, I always tell myself that I’ve been worse and that it’s not so bad. Pain and suffering are a part of life, it’s important to accept it. One my interests is mindfulness meditation and it’s a way to learn to accept what you can’t change.
One thing that helps me to relax is drawing and creating digital art. I will post my art here, probably accompanying my texts. I draw line after line, with gradients of color. I edit images to create new images, very different from the original. Creating art from art. It feels very satisfying to me and I love to see the finished product. Hobbies are very important for us, BPD patients. Our mind is our greatest enemy and we definitely need to keep it occupied and happy.
In this blog, I will recommend apps I use related to BPD, mental health, healthy living, etc. Apps are very interactive, fun and useful. They can help us cope and many other things. As an android user, I will be recommending apps for android but many apps are available for both Android and iOS. I will be recommending as many things as I can that have helped me in my journey. I would also love to see your tips in the comment section.
Thank you so much for reading. I will be adding more content soon.