One afternoon, I was at home sleeping. I woke up startled by a noise from the living room.I was still half-asleep when I saw two men dressed as postmen in my living room, ordering me and my parents for money. They thought we had a safe. It was the biggest adrenaline rush I’ve ever had. One of them held a gun to my head. Then, the robbers took us to the bathroom and tried to lock us there which is impossible (the door is jammed). We stood there for a few minutes until we realized they were gone.
This triggered an acute stress reaction. Neighbors started coming to our house. To check up on us and talk about what happened. While I was sitting in my room struggling with suicidal thoughts. I was planning to kill myself. But then it hit me, those ideas weren’t mine, it was my condition talking. So I took a shower and cried and sang, to keep the suicidal thoughts away.
I started to think that my family wanted to hurt me since no one was helping me. So I ran to a shopping mall, barefoot, so I could call an ambulance. My calls to emergency services were ignored and my parents took me to a Hospital. I had two shots because of the anxiety and psychosis I was in.
This was the most extreme episode in my life. I developed PTSD because of it and I would say fear still affects me a lot. When you experience something like this, your perception shifts. Your imaginary illusion of safety is shattered. Things start to get real. It’s not just something that could happen, it DID happen.
This happened 8 years ago and I have healed a lot. I almost don’t have PTSD symptoms apart from irrational fears. This was very hard to write.
Image by USA-Reiseblogger, courtesy of Pixabay.