Gaslighting and heartbreak (01/29/2018)

I’m not okay today. I feel paranoid and sad. Thinking about my choices and actions. Feeling overwhelmed. In two days, I was shot twice in the head. People fire words without thinking of other people’s feelings. Just two more disappointments, should I be sad? Or get used to it? The best thing I can do is thinking about what makes people offend you and gaslight you. I wonder what happened in their lives that makes them be so aggressive with someone who is a friend.

I just feel numb now, not sad anymore.

I’m not used to being offended. I do have to reconsider these friendships because when I don’t say things how they wanted. They say I’m sensitive when I’m being blatantly insulted and talked to in an aggressive way.

I don’t get this crap from my other friends. I’m not used to this and I don’t want to get used to this.

My relationships with other people are peaceful, it was just these two that made me be assertive but I didn’t insult back. I just learned to keep calm and not lose my mind. But I get hurt. I get angry. I just don’t show it but I feel it. After an hour or so it goes away, so it’s a matter of waiting and knowing when to stop a conversation. You get to a point where you know that the conversation is only going to get worse, it’s a total waste of energy and a bad habit. If you walk away, it’s over. Just tell that person that you want to be left alone. Arguments are pointless and stupid. Walking away from an argument doesn’t make you weak or a coward. It just shows someone that you don’t want to get involved in a fight. Life is already complicated enough for one to feel overwhelmed, even without arguments. So when there’s a fight, things get even worse. It shows that you don’t communicate well with that person, so it’s pointless to pursue a relationship of any kind. I’ve learned this the hard way. Sometimes the heart talks louder than the mind.

Image by ToNic-Pics, courtesy of Pixabay.

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Author: scarlettcat

Writing as much as I can is my goal. Writing soothes the soul and quiets the mind. There's not much to say about me, my words talk louder than any description that I can make.

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