Yet another weekend of me doing nothing. Watching the hours go by. Drinking coffee and writing. Chatting and listening to music.
I missed the psychologist’s appointment, couldn’t get out of bed. I need help but I’m even failing to ask for help. It has been so hard, I can’t do this alone. I feel frustrated and unsettled. Trapped in my house. Me and my negative coping mechanisms. Ruining me.
Someone invited me to go to a bar. I declined, as usual. I wish I could just go like I used to. Things were simpler and more straightforward. Sometimes I go to my favorite club’s page (I used to go there every weekend) and see what artists are going to do shows there. It’s pure masochism since I can’t go but I wish I could. Dancing is very good for us. Music is so important to me and it helps me so much. It’s a constant part of my life, I’m almost always listening to music. It improves my mood. Finding new artists is also a good experience. New songs, new sounds, it’s great for the mind. Every artist has a different way to communicate with us and that’s a wonderful thing.
I’ve been getting triggered a lot by things I read. Some subjects are so unsettling to me that I just avoid them completely. Instrumental music is the best right now. No lyrics, just sound. I’m browsing electronic music artists on Spotify and listening to artists I find on YouTube.
I’ve been having difficulty to write. There are some binaural beats tracks on YouTube for creativity, focus and so on. I’m trying one of those. I recommend this one because it’s very pleasant to hear. I think that the effect of this type of video on me is pure placebo. But hey, why not? Anything positive that helps me feel more comfortable writing is a good thing. This one has helped me before but it isn’t helping today.
I have found that listening to a good album can be better than the binaural beats tracks.
What I have been listening to tonight:
I’m now listening to a song that you can find here. It’s a good way to stop feeling restless like I was feeling. It’s good for meditating and quieting the mind. If you are not used to listening to binaural beats, don’t listen for too long. 20 or 30 minutes is okay, 90 minutes tops.
For anxiety, falling asleep and more you can listen to ASMR. For me the best ASMR Youtube channel is Whispersunicorn. I love the 3d spa (both versions). It really feels like you’re in a spa if you lay down and relax. It’s a great way to fall asleep. Good night.