12 days. The best 12 days since stopped smoking. Every day I feel better and stronger. My mind hasn’t been bothering me. It is convinced and sure that I do not need to be high to function. I guess I was scared the unknown, scared about living life sober but it is not scary at all.
I had dinner with a friend last night. Then we went to a bar in a nearby town. There, he introduced me to a Brazilian friend of his. She was warm, outgoing and very positive. We had an instant connection. I thought I wanted to be a friend of this woman.
Everything was going great, we were having a blast but a guy approached and sat at our table. He kept complimenting and flirting with her. Kept saying he wanted her to take him to Brazil and she kept telling him that she was in love with someone. He kept trying to hold her hand and get her number. After a while, she said she was going home and she hugged me and kissed me on the cheek. While she did that, she whispered: “I am going home because of this guy but maybe I will return after he is gone”.
It was so rude and unnecessary on his part. He did not understand consent. Consent is not only about rape. It is also about taking no for an answer and respecting the choices of someone else. I was triggered. I have seen this happen countless times in my life. It has happened to me and my girlfriends. You have to have a special kind of entitlement, think of yourself as a gift from God to women to act like that.
She did not come back, unfortunately, but we exchanged numbers and we will meet again one of these days. I am happy that I made a new friend.
Socializing has been very helpful to me. My pride is attacked every time someone mentions their job and it is a good thing. My pride must push me forward to be integrated into society. A society that I hate and despise but that I must adapt and accept. Accept it while looking for ways to change it. Support progressive organizations and projects. Be an activist though that scares me. I fear to become a target if my voice gets too loud. It is dangerous to be an activist but I must fight this fear and do what is right. I feel that it will give more purpose and I want that.
Thank you for reading, my lovelies!
Image by Bess-Hamiti, courtesy of Pixabay.