My dear WordPress friends and readers,
I really needed an hiatus. Lost all the will to write for many months. I’ve been drawing like mad instead. It feels great because I didn’t want to draw for a while. It helps with my mood. It’s also very satisfying to draw and see the finished project. You feel like you made something with your bare hands.
I’ve also been doing a lot of work at home, in order to give my mother a break. It’s also good for me, as I find cleaning very therapeutic as well. The satisfaction of seeing everything clean, my cats taken care of, etc is enormous.
In the sentimental area there are also news: I fell in love with someone and we are dating. I wasn’t looking for anything, just enjoying single life. We started talking and, very naturally, started dating. He is American. We are planning to see each other soon. I can’t wait. He is a kind, funny and smart man. We have the similar goals and dreams. I love that man to death. I’m ready to love and support him.
It’s interesting how when you come out of a long relationship, where you suffered a lot for your boyfriend and his family, if might feel an absolute need to be alone. You don’t even want to think about dating. It seems like too much work and suffering. It took me about a year to date again. I wasn’t even looking, which is also a great way to find someone. I know, it’s counterintuitive but my best relationships happened when I wasn’t looking for anyone. I don’t judge who looks for love. Sometimes it works. But I hate dating apps and I went on just a few dates. Then I thought to myself: “Scarlett, you’re looking for connection, not sex”. So I thought I should better save myself for someone special.
When you have EUPD, promiscuity sometimes happens. Sex is like validation: validation that someone wants you, someone desires you, etc. But it’s fake. It’s just our condition. If you’re like me, on your thirties you feel kind of disgusted by some things you did. Not that they were degrading per se but you regret some of the men you’ve been with. In my 30’s I feel that casual sex shouldn’t be trivialized. This is something I learned by having EUPD. To take sex more seriously and only share my body with someone I love or at least that I have a good friendship with chemistry and connection. I’m not saying that this is the right way of doing things, I’m just saying how I feel. Promiscuity might change your outlook on sex and that was my case.
The antidepressants are working so I feel more energy and will to do things. Sometimes I have these urges to clean, that I didn’t have in a long time. I keep my rooms clean, though my work room is a very special organized chaos haha. But I always need my bedroom with everything folded and in the proper place.
I missed writing so much. It feels like a part of me that has been hibernating. I will never stop writing in this blog. It’s my baby, I have almost 1000 followers and one of my articles is number 8 in the Google search for BPD and Favorite Person. Every day, I get over 10 views. So if I keep the blog alive, it might climb a few spots. I’m so proud of that article, I feel like it’s well-written, concise and helpful. I miss writing articles but these last months I had no energy, as they are a lot of work if you do them properly. But with this new energy and desire to write, I want to write more articles and I have a ton of ideas.
I will be doing a “This week in music” today because I haven’t done one in so long. I feel like music is a good addition to a blog about EUPD (BPD), since it’s a good coping mechanism, it can helps us when we struggle and it’s also a great hobby.
Drop me a message so I will visit your blog and see what you have been to. I love you all.