Why I’ve Been Celibate

Woman and man in summer clothes hold each other near a metal fence

Falling in love is amazing. It’s also scary. I’ve opened up to it several times. It ultimately never worked. Casual encounters and friends with benefits type deals were also explored.

I experienced everything that I possibly could. Casual encounters don’t work for me because they are shallow and unemotional. It lacks affection. And when it’s a fried with benefits situation, there is a bond and the sexual dimension only deepens it. It hurts in the end, you miss the person. Even if your heart was not broken, even if thing went well. If you are like me and you fall in love easily, it’s probably not the best approach to being single. Obviously, all of this is opinion and I used to think differently, so much that I made those choices but some people can relate. Absolutely no judgment from my part.

Eye and brow with rainbow across

So I chose celibacy for the foreseeable future. I have wasted a lot of energy on love, with my obsessive tendencies. Almost lost my mind because of someone. It’s time to finally focus on my life, career, discipline, etc. My personal growth, therapy. I don’t want to be a woman perpetually chasing the wrong men. I don’t need a man to be happy and I know that I need to improve in some areas to be a proper girlfriend. And I can assure you that this isn’t me being hard on myself, it’s just being realistic.

Man and woman holding a balloon that spells love

It’s not like I’m closing the door on love forever but I don’t even want to think about it now. I’m always busy doing something and I feel safer this way. I don’t want people living daily rent free in my head, I’m so absolutely exhausted of that. I want to focus entirely on myself, it’s time. It doesn’t have to be now, tomorrow or the day after that. And I don;t need to be unhappy while it doesn’t happen. I feel very happy as a single woman. I have been so loved. I won’t forget. And I will love again, who cares when?

I’m not disappointed in men, they’re just human. Timing is everything and it wasn’t there many times. My personality disorder didn’t help either. I was hard to deal at times. But I was shown later that I wasn’t hard to love, I guess that it depends on who loves you, how deeply an how compatible you are. Having had that is incredibly healing and it makes you feel like you accomplished something good in life. And I believe that I was quite hard to love at the time. It’s just that he was tough, sensitive, kind and loved me a lot. It’s nice getting to my age having had a long relationship with unconditional love and support. Especially when you didn’t get that from people you should get from. So Im content and life is good.

Author: scarlettcat

Writing as much as I can is my goal. Writing soothes the soul and quiets the mind. There's not much to say about me, my words talk louder than any description that I can make.

10 thoughts on “Why I’ve Been Celibate”

  1. This is a tough topic but you handled it well in your post. As someone who has managed to go my entire life without finding that “special someone,” it’s definitely something that I’ve been forced to accept on life’s terms rather than my own. No boring details from me, other than to say I’ve loved more than I’ve been loved, and I’ve come close but not close enough. Now, it’s just a matter of acceptance that this is how it’s going to be. Your post is so honest and realistic. Much respect. I’m glad you’re focusing on you right now. Wishing you continued success moving forward. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It’s hard when you don’t find that special someone. It’s hard when you find him and you’re not good for each other. Love is just hard. I kept pursuing things that were ultimately hurting me. Being realistic is much better many times, though reality is not very kind to so many people. I think that it’s a part of growing older, being able to decide what suits us or not. Thank you for your kind words. I appreciate it ☺️

      Liked by 1 person

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