Night thoughts (self-care and meetups)

I woke up late again. 4 p.m. It’s too late. Maybe tonight I’ll go to bed earlier. I hope I can do it. At least I started writing at a good time, it’s still early.

One thing that never fails to relax me is playing a game on my tablet (it can be a phone, your computer or a console, if you don’t have a tablet). I talk about tablet games because there are many free games to choose from. Many genres and types. I’m talking about casual or simple RPG games, games that are not too stressful. I like RPGs because I like the battles and to upgrade the heroes. It’s very soothing. You are busy doing tasks and battles, nothing unpleasant comes to mind. It’s an entertaining form of self-care. I can make a post tomorrow, recommending the games that I play.

Another form of entertaining self-care is talking to your friends: voice, text or in real life. It’s great to bond with people we like, we feel like we belong. Even if we enjoy solitude, it’s important to keep in touch with friends. Maybe you and your friends could create a group chat. It’s important to find ways to be more social.

I’ve been dying to go to a meetup event. There are themes and I would like to go to the speed-friending and language exchange one. It’s like speed-dating but for meeting people. Sounds good in theory but it would be a challenge for me. Has anyone of you been to a meetup?

Image by Bess-Hamiti, courtesy of Pixabay.

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Finding yourself and the role of poetry

One of my favorite websites is Brain Pickings. They have very thoughtful and insightful articles about different subjects, with great quotes by artists, writers, and other creative types. I would recommend you to go there and take a look if you like to read.

As I was browsing the articles about psychology, I found this gem. I agree with these quotes and I would like to share them with you. These quotes are by Robert Penn Warren.

“In the phrase [“to find myself”] lurks the idea that the self is a pre-existing entity, a self like a Platonic idea existing in a mystic realm beyond time and change. No, rather an object like a nugget of gold in the placer pan, the Easter egg under the bush at an Easter-egg hunt, a four-leaf clover to promise miraculous luck. Here is the essence of passivity, one’s quintessential luck. And the essence of absurdity, too, for the self is never to be found, but must be created, not the happy accident of passivity, but the product of a thousand actions, large and small, conscious or unconscious, performed not “away from it all,” but in the face of “it all,” for better or for worse, in work and leisure rather than in free time.”

One could say that you are what you do. That is the truth. You are your hobbies, your tastes, your outings, everything you do. There’s no finding yourself, there is only creation. I find myself when I define myself by actions. Do you agree? Comment below.

“The self is a style of being, continually expanding in a vital process of definition, affirmation, revision, and growth, a process that is the image, we may say, of the life process of a healthy society itself.”

How I would love to live in a healthy society. What do you think about this quote?

“How does poetry come into all this? By being an antidote, a sovereign antidote, for passivity. For the basic fact about poetry is that it demands participation, from the secret physical echo in muscle and nerve that identifies us with the medium, to the imaginative enactment that stirs the deepest recesses where life-will and values reside. Beyond that, it nourishes our life-will in the process of testing our values. And this is not to be taken as implying a utilitarian aesthetic. It is, rather, one way of describing our pleasure in poetry as an adventure in the celebration of life.”

Source: https://www.brainpickings.org/2017/06/07/robert-penn-warren-democracy-poetry-finding-yourself/

Poetry is definitely an adventure. Starting with a few words and an idea, you express yourself. Words come out of nowhere and form something coherent and pleasant to read. I sometimes wonder how this wonderful mix of magic and work happens. When you start you don’t know where you will end up. But we make it so we end up on a good note. That is our job as poets, as writers. To lead a stream of creativity into a beautiful work of art. I think it’s a wonderful gift to able to do this. So I shall do it more often. Sometimes I just believe that I can’t do it and I don’t even try. Maybe there lies the mistake. I should try to write poetry every day. If I really want to evolve as a poet and writer.

Do you agree with this conception of the self? What are your views on this? Do you make yourself write poetry or does it come naturally?

Image by cromaconceptovisual, courtesy of Pixabay.

The importance of self-care

Many of us know what self-care is but maybe some of you don’t know. How it is essential for a healthy life. Life, work, our family are a huge part of our lives. What we do with the time we have left is crucial for a good mental and physical health.

I recommend you this TED talk about the importance of self-care. I don’t know about you but I love TED Talks.

As I was doing my research for this post, I found this article with tips and suggestions for self-care. There are small things we can do that make a big difference in the long run. The one thing I’m going to do is get rid of clothes in my closet. My closet is a mess and it’s about time I do something about it. Maybe sell the best clothes online. My Mother will be very happy about it, she’s been trying to make it do it for years. If I do it spontaneously and proactively, is a good way to send the message that I’m changing and that I’m starting to “wake up”. Meditating is a good self-care practice. I do mindfulness meditation regularly and it helps me very much. Also, working out and eating as best as I can.

Do you have self-care rituals or habits? This article is very informative.

  • Self care prevents “overload burnout”: We’ve all been there: you push yourself to the point that you can’t take anymore so you just give up. Self care helps you avoid getting to that point.
  • Self care reduces the negative effects of stress: A small amount of stress can serve a purpose, but after a while, it just breaks down your mind and body. Taking care of yourself means keeping your stress from taking over so you can function at full capacity.
  • Self care helps you refocus: When I was stuck on a complicated math problem in school, my teacher would suggest walking away and coming back—taking a break, basically. Breaks are the epitome of self care, and studies show they’re great for helping you perform better.

Source: https://lifehacker.com/why-self-care-is-so-important-1770880812

Image by silviarita, courtesy of Pixabay.

How to deal with big changes in your life and more

I see things changing in my life. Things that were my everyday life will not be again.

I don’t deal well with change. Change scares me, it’s unsettling. I can adapt and I do adapt but sometimes it’s hard. I found this article on ways to deal with big life changes. This is the last paragraph of the article:

Big life changes may rock us for a little while, but they don’t have to be as bad as we initially perceive them. If handled in a positive manner transitional periods can pave the way for some serious self-growth, reflection and awareness.

This is what I will focus on. Life changes can be beneficial. Sometimes our lives must be changed I know mine definitely has to change.

I also found this article on how to prepare for major life changes.

I’ll try not to forget this:

People have a tendency to isolate themselves during tough times, but I always find it helps when you keep in touch with friends, family and meet other people who are going through the same situation.

It’s really important to be connected, both online and in real life. My friends with BPD are my online friends, I don’t think I know anyone in real life. I have been going against my own will and pushing myself to go out even when I don’t want to. I’ve been successful so far.

I also feel stuck, so let’s see what the internet has to tell me.

I really, really liked this article on 7 ways to get unstuck in life. This point the author makes is very important:

5. Ask yourself, “Am I ignoring an inner calling?” Oftentimes we receive guidance about our next steps but choose not to listen to our inner messages. This guidance often comes in the form of a quiet still inner voice. This voice can be easily drowned out by the noise of our everyday life, our peers, or even our own inner demons. Is there something you’ve been called to do, but haven’t done?

I’ve definitely been ignoring my inner calling I have to do something about it. At least do something online before doing anything in real life. I will tell you about it after I do it.

It was definitely good to read these articles. I think we sometimes overthink and don’t see that the way to go is to move, make decisions and change habits.

Which leads us to the question: how do you find motivation for change? This article is about 16 ways to get motivated when you’re in a slump has good suggestions. I definitely need to exercise. Two minutes a day in the first week doesn’t sound so bad. I will keep you informed about this challenge. Maybe one or two of you would like to join me. Comment down below, make a post on your blog and challenge other people to do it. Sedentary life is very harmful. I really don’t lead a healthy life and I’m afraid of the repercussions.

I’m going to start tomorrow in the afternoon a few crunches, running in the same place, stretch a little. that’s it, it’s done. I’ll probably play some music while I do it to put me in the mood and motivate me.

Why do I always find it so hard to keep a healthy habit? I sometimes feel like a quitter. Instead of wallowing in self-pity, the best thing to do is to see how long I can keep up a habit.

I can say that I have been active on WordPress, not as much as I wanted to ( which is posting twice a day. I guess that is a goal to set. post twice a day for a week and then two weeks, etc.

Image by geralt, courtesy of Pixabay.

What is gaslighting and my story

I mentioned gaslighting in the last post and I think I should talk a bit more about it, for those of you who aren’t familiar with the term.

Gaslighting is a form of manipulation where someone twists events, in order to make someone else think he/she is crazy. If you have a mental condition it’s even easier to do, so we must be aware that this exists.

From the Wikipedia article:

Gaslighting is a form of manipulation that seeks to sow seeds of doubt in a targeted individual or in members of a targeted group, hoping to make them question their own memory, perception, and sanity. Using persistent denial, misdirection, contradiction, and lying, it attempts to destabilize the target and delegitimize the target’s belief.

This technique is mostly used by sociopaths and narcissists. Be aware if someone who hurt you always denies wrong-doing. Whether they realize it or not, it’s psychological abuse and it can affect the abused person greatly. If it happens to you for a long time ( and a long time is subjective) it can cause BPD, anxiety, PTSD, among other things. As you can see it’s a very toxic and harmful behavior.

I had one relationship where this happened constantly. I lost my mind. It is one of the most frustrating things I’ve ever gone through. You want to reach a consensus, a conclusion and the person just keeps hurting you, making you feel insane or too sensitive, twisting facts and offending you. No objective answers to questions. Analyzing you instead of answering properly and then hurting you with a negative perspective of you.

It made me become paranoid and more submissive. I cut all contact with everyone, he had jealousy issues. My life was a nightmare. I was very in love but very miserable. I was controlled and manipulated almost at all times. I was disrespected countless times until I couldn’t take it anymore. I’m not submissive, I speak my mind so I was being completely repressed. That had a huge impact in my mental health. I already had BPD symtpoms and all this abuse and invalidation worsened my self-destructive tendencies. I had major depression immediately after it and tried to commit suicide but, fortunately, I survived.

It left me with very deep scars. For years, my heart was completely broken. As I said before, I engaged in self-destructive behavior more and more. It was like I wanted to die.

My strategy for dealing with this is to stand my ground and quickly end the conversation because it’s foul play, don’t be tempted to play dirty as well.

I’ve been the toxic person many times in my life but I’m trying to change and heal. The best way to heal from this is to be away from it. Avoid people who use this strategy. If it’s your father, move as soon as possible. Don’t second-guess your sanity, stand your ground but don’t pursue arguments. The person will hurt you as much as they can.

I suggest reading this article about the seven signs that you’re a victim of gaslighting. It’s very informative and useful. Also, this article about gaslighting by parents to children and this article about the 10 signs that you are in a relationship with a narcissist.

Share your opinions below, they are greatly appreciated.

 

 

Agoraphobia and me

It’s so hard and unsettling to have agoraphobia. I always dread the moment when I have I to go outside. 95% of the time, I go out with someone. I hate not being independent. I try to explain how I feel about going outside and even that is hard. I don’t feel comfortable going to places far away from my house. It’s not a good thing. people invite me to parties and so on. I almost always say no. What if I go and get tired of being there and then I have to return home alone? So I never leave my city. I feel like I’ll never get over this, completely stuck. Some days I feel like this, very aware of all the negative consequences of agoraphobia and how much it affects me.I don’t experience much panic because I stay at home, most of the time. But once I had to attend an event and I had a panic attack.

When I had major depression 4 years ago. I would spend weeks and months home. I didn’t want to see anyone or to be seen. I was deeply hurt and in emotional pain. Leaving the house stopped being a regular thing. My house became my entire world. The only place I feel comfortable.

I feel like there is a barrier between me and going outside. When, in reality, there is absolutely no barrier.

I think the best I can do right now, besides writing about it, is to talk about with someone on 7cups. That can be very helpful. Maybe the listener can give me some tips and it’s always good to talk to someone who will understand.

11:25 pm

The listener is very supportive. He is making me feel better. Talking about our issues with someone is so important. He has been through the same, so it’s even better. It’s good when people can understand how you’re feeling because they have been there. It gives me hope for my recovery.

After 15 minutes of talking, I feel much better.

I also found resources on agoraphobia, that I’m going to share:

Agoraphobia : Symptoms Causes Diagnosis Treatments Outlook

Tips for dealing with agoraphobia

How to treat agoraphobia

Image by Free-Photos, courtesy of Pixabay.

What is DBT and how it can help BPD patients

DBT is a type of cognitive behavioral therapy. It was developed in the 70’s by Marsha Linehan Ph.D., in the University of Washington. It was originally designed for people with chronic suicidal thoughts as a symptom of BPD. Linehan started by using CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) but she found that it wasn’t very suited for BPD patients. Marsha Linehan then analyzed the issues and made adaptations that proved to be suitable for BPD patients. Techniques based on acceptance were added to make sure patients felt validated and supported before they start focusing on change. DBT is based on the idea that opposites can exist side-by-side (dialectics), which means accepting situations as they are while analyzing various points of view in any situation and working on balancing an effort to change.This helps to stop the patterns of black and white thinking.

The goal of DBT is to help the patient build a life that they find worth living.

DBT includes individual psychotherapy and group therapy. Patients learn skills to deal with problematic behaviors. Problematic behaviors are a way of coping or an attempt to solve a problem. These behaviors offer temporary relief and they often don’t have a long-term effect. DBT assumes that patients are doing their best and that they need to learn new behaviors to deal with difficult situations. There are 4 modules of skills:

ºMindfulness

ºDistress tolerance

ºEmotional regulation

ºInterpersonal effectiveness

Useful links:

Behavioral Tech- What is DBT?

Dialectical Behavior Therapy

DBT Self-Help

/r/DBTSelfHelp

Image by diego_torres, courtesy of Pixabay.