1 year anniversary of my blog!

I was just casually browsing WordPress, when I got this notification:

1 year anniversary achievement WordPress

1 year of blogging. Wow, just wow. Blogging was the best thing I did this year and I will continue to do it. There must be commitment and surrender to writing. You must know, in your heart and mind, that this is what you want. Or just do it as a challenge, see how long you can last. Don’t feel pressured to be anything, just write.

Colorful balloons

It’s incredibly healing and beneficial. Hiding who you are and having an online journal has been going very well. I like the feedback, the support. This is a wonderful community. I read amazing things. I learn from other bloggers. It’s important to express my opinion on some issues, to educate people on others.

I can ask my followers to pick colors and I’ll do an art piece for them. I spend a lot of time thinking about posts and also spend a lot of time writing the posts. I’ve done over 350 posts in 1 year. Some days are just frenetic: I ONLY feel like writing. Idea after idea. On other days, nothing comes to mind, don’t feel like blogging or even writing. I think I spent one month without writing.

Hot air balloons in the sky

Then, the need to write came back and I started writing again. These days, I’ve been feeling very inspired in many ways. Drawing and writing, mainly. Feedback about my art has been good and I appreciate it very much.

This year was good, it had its ups and downs but it’s ending in a good way. I hope I am here next year. I’ll write to you again and express my gratitude for being a blogger and all the lovely people I’ve met here.

If you’re just starting and you’re frustrated about blogging, you can take a look at my blog. I wrote blogging tips and about many other subjects. Maybe I can inspire you in some way.

I would like to thank everyone that interacts with my blog or just reads, it doesn’t matter. I’m glad that you use your precious time to read my posts. I hope I make your day and cheer you up. I just want everyone to be okay. No one needs to suffer in silence. Let’s be united and support each other. Be interconnected.

Cartoon man and question mark

I would love to hear your feedback. Tell me if you like my blog and why. You can also say you don’t like it and also state why. What would you like me to write about? Do you like poetry? Would you like to see more of my art? Tell me everything 🙂

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600 followers! Promote your blog here

Thank you

Balloons
Balloons celebration

Like the Fiat. 602 to be exact. I’m very pleased with all the followers. It has been one hell of a journey but totally worth it. I feel like this is what I should be doing. The commnunity also something that I enjoy a lot. All the comments and likes, the occasional reblog. Reading whatever comes to mind or it appears in the feed.

Writing can be pleasurable or a task. We must play with it. Enjoy it as much as we can. Looking for creativity. Finding helpful resources and apps. I’m working on my dream. Fighting to improve.

Poetry in English is a challenge for me. But I do it because I enjoy it. Challenges are good for us. This type of challenge keeps the mind active. It’s a good way to improve your writing and expressing yourself this way is a good way to think about things and come to conclusions.

I would love to know if you’d like me to write about something or review something. Leave a comment.

Thank you so much for reading what I post.

Promote your blog

And now, I would like to invite you to comment your blog url and talk a little bit about it. Read other people’s entries and follow them. They may follow back. Other people have done this and you can get followers this way. Search for “promote your blog” on WordPress and you will see other posts. Try your luck there, too. I will follow everyone who comments.

Image by makamuki0 and Pexels, courtesy of Pixabay.

5 months sober!

It’s been 5 months since I quit smoking weed. I thought that it would be very hard and it turned out to be easy. Triggers happen but not often. Most of the time I’m calm, relaxed and focused on other things.

If I get triggered, my first instinct is to think about something else. Also, thinking about how well I feel and how I have everything I need. That is a way of grounding myself and understanding that I don’t need to be high to enjoy life.

It’s good to be able to listen to lectures from online courses and not get distracted or bored. Learning new things is a natural high. I can understand what I want and don’t want to do. Some subjects are interesting, others not so much. A clinical psychology course has caught my attention. It’s very interesting and something I’ve always wanted to learn.

Sadly, college is out of reach. Thinking about what I can do for work makes me feel depressed. Feeling hopeless and discouraged. Thinking that I will never have a decent job and will be very poor. That bothers me. Money is not the most important thing for me but it has an important role in people’s lives. It’s a source of security and stability. Those thoughts lead me nowhere. I keep thinking in circles and feel terrible.

Today is a good day. I’m going out in a few hours. Going out at night with my boyfriend would be great. We only go out by day, he needs to rest on his day off. It will happen when he is on vacation. I’m so excited. Seeing him every day of the week sounds like a dream. He’s wonderful. It’s impossible for me to shut up about it.

I need to go now. That you have a good day or night is my wish.

Picture by NeuPaddy, courtesy of Pixabay.

500 followers!

500 followers. Wow. I’m so happy for this. This blog has transformed my life. I’m not the same person I was when I started. Evolving with my followers has been an incredible journey. We are all growing together, cheering for each other. I never thought I would find such a welcoming and positive community. WordPress is truly an amazing platform. It’s a place for people to find their voice, to manifest their inner writer. I have the privilege to read the work of amazing people. Their every day lives, their poetry, their interesting articles, their prose.

I want to evolve as a writer and improve this blog. Feeling like a terrible writer is my reality. I always feel like I’m not a good writer. Maybe because I’m a perfectionist and I’m exposed to all this content that I find to be much better than mine. Nevertheless, I write and will keep writing.

From the bottom of my heart, I thank you all for the support. You are amazing people and I love you all.

8000 views in 8 months!

Before I go to sleep, I just wanted to share with you that I reached 8000 views. That is an average of 1000 views a month and I’m very pleased. Thank you so much for all the views, likes, comments and reblogs. My journey would not be the same without you. We are growing and evolving together. That is a beautiful thing. I really love and enjoy being a part of this community. It has helped me cope with challenging situations and obstacles. It has helped me overcome my addiction and think more clearly. For all of this and more, I am truly grateful that I joined WordPress. I feel that my writing is improving and that my well-being is increasing. Expressing ourselves in a way that suits us is powerful and transformational.

Again, thank you and I hope you keep reading my posts, on my little corner on the internet.

Image courtesy of Pixabay

4 months sober!

On a lighter note, I have something to be grateful of today. It has been 4 months since I last smoked cannabis. I feel so happy about it. It was such a struggle to quit but it has been so easy to maintain. When the thought comes, I let it go. I never think about it more than a few seconds. Some minutes can lead to relapse. I keep myself occupied and I think about the positive side of not smoking. It has made my life easier, I don’t deal with remorse anymore, I don’t fear policemen or get paranoid. It’s much better life overall and I plan to stay like this for a long time. Being addicted to something is no fun, you feel trapped and helpless. You can see by my earlier posts how much I struggled with it. My agoraphobia is not as bad as it was and I have more energy. I also have more money, which is a plus. It’s also a relief not to contribute to the illegal drug market.

I am going out with my boyfriend now. We are going for a walk and we are going to have dinner at a new Chinese restaurant near my house. I wish you a wonderful day. I love you all.

200 posts!

I just made my 200th post! I’m so happy that I’ve been so prolific in my first 6 months of blogging. I want to keep posting every day, as it is something that makes me very happy. I love to write and I have great followers. People I have never met in person that mean so much to me. I love you all! Thank you for all your support!

Image by karosieben, courtesy of Pixabay.

Night thoughts

Hello everyone. I hope you are well. I reached 2 milestones today: 30 days of meditation and 3 months, and one week of sobriety. It feels great to make plans and to stick to them.

Meditation has helped me a lot with recovery. I deal with triggers like I deal with thoughts when I meditate, I just let them go. I never entertain the thoughts for more than a few seconds. I just to think about something else. I have probably said this many times but I feel that it’s important to take triggers as the illusions that they are and return to reality instead. Or go to a healthier day dream or thought. Relapse always starts with an idea, you start putting down barriers that you build to defend yourself from addiction. It’s easy to go from idea to action. You just have to think long enough for it to start making sense and be alluring. So don’t entertain the thought, let it go. Remind yourself immediately of how bad it is to use, of how much you would lose if you went back to using. If you’re in recovery, things seem to be relatively in control but once you go back, you can lose control and go back to square one. Think of how much you have gained and how far you’ve gone. How lucky and fortunate you are for taking control of your life. For not succumbing to addiction. That is real freedom. You don’t have to buy or hide yourself to use. You don’t have to lie or waste money on substances. You can use your time in much more constructive ways. I’ve been re-learning physics and math. I started a computer science course. There are so many healthy things I want to do. The possibilities be are endless. There’s so much to learn and experience.

I couldn’t learn anything when I was smoking weed. My memory was just so affected by it. Motivation was also a problem and procrastination was the norm. My head was a nightmare, so much paranoia and irrational thoughts. Now, I feel peaceful. There’s no guilt over using. That was a major problem. I felt so guilty about it, so much remorse in my heart. I am free from that.

In a society that wants us addicted to numerous things, being sober and less attached is a rebellious act. It’s definitely subversive to not be controlled by substances. Though I am still being controlled by coffee and cigarettes, I feel that I will let go of those addictions, too. It’s only a matter of time. I think my biggest battle will be with nicotine. It’s such a nasty and expensive addiction. And so hard to quit. Though I feel I can do it. At least reduce my habit to a few cigarettes a day. I don’t know if I can do it cold turkey. Maybe reducing the amount of cigarettes I smoke is more reasonable.

These are just my plans, I will not take any action in the near future, as it is not advisable to do so when your recovery is recent.

What about you? Are you struggling with addiction? Are you in recovery? What unhealthy habits do you wish to eliminate from your life?

I love you all. 🙂

Image by PublicCo, courtesy of Pixabay.

400 followers!

I reached 400 followers a few days ago. I’m very excited about it! It has been a bumpy and delightful road. I have met wonderful people that support me in every step of the way. Even when my posts are boring, self-pity parties. I want to enrich my blog with informative posts and not justv talk about myself. I understand how boring and uninteresting it can be to my followers.

I want to thank you all for following, liking, commenting and reblogging my content. You are the best and I love you all!

Image by Artturi_Mantysaari, courtesy of Pixabay.

30 days sober!

I have reached the 30th day of sobriety. I feel liberated but still trapped inside my mind. Self-sabotage is a huge issue for me. Impulsivity is a trait I have acquired. It is due to BPD. I had an appointment with therapist today but I went to bed late. I woke up twenty minutes before the appointment, so I could not go. I really regret it now but yesterday I did not care. That is how I operate. I do what I want and then regret it later. It is very concerning. I do that with everything, so I am not building anything for my future. Which in turn makes me feel scared of the future. I can go a whole year without doing almost anything of value and reach new years eve, depressed because I wasted another year. I cannot afford to waste more time but lots of issues are holding me back. My mind does not help. My mind is not my friend, it is more of an enemy. I have all these negative inner monologues and also fear of getting out of my comfort zone. I do not know how to escape this and the only person that could help is now unavailable until next week. So, I will waste more time, suffer more and be stuck in this rut. At the height of BPD, I was more driven, more motivated and more independent. I had this spark and passion in me. Now, I just feel tired. Both physically and mentally drained. Scared and lost. In despair. Turning to writing as a sort of comfort but even that is not enough. Writing provides me with insight but not nearly enough to move my life forward. This lifestyle is also detrimental to my writing. I struggle with topics to write about because I do not go out or socialize enough. I feel hopeless today. I cannot control my life, I am not in charge. I feel like I am repeating myself all the time and becoming boring. Just another person complaining about life without finding solutions to my problems. I feel like a coward and a failure. I wish I could do more, I could go against my fearful thoughts and just do things that I need to do, in a consistent way. That would give me structure and more energy but I cannot even go outside every day. I want more of life. I want to become a better and more responsible person. In a few years, I will have to take care of my parents and I am not ready for that. I do not want to fail them, I just cannot fail them. They are everything to me and they deserve proper care.

I just have motivation to go to bed sooner. I love sleeping with my cat and if I go to sleep too late, I do not get to do it. It does not work every night but I have found that it is a valuable incentive. She purrs loudly and I feel so happy that she is happy with me. That she looks forward to sleeping with me as much as I look forward to sleeping with her. That is the happiest moment of my day. I feel loved and content.

It is time to sleep, so I have to stop writing for now. I hope you are all okay.

Image by 3dman_eu, courtesy of Pixabay.