Oh my God, you guys. I am 6 followers away from 1000. I just wanted to share this with you and let you know that this makes me incredibly happy and motivated. I want to thank all of you who follow me, the people who find me on search engines and everyone I love.
I want to grow even more and I need more consistency. Now that I’m getting out of depression, I feel like I can start writing again. It was really blocking my inspiration. I was so out of motivation.
Today I feel like writing a lot. I’m very inspired,so I’m taking advantage of it.
This time is bad for all the reasons we know and there will be plenty more. But I feel more eager to live. I feel more alive. It’s a relief not to find a on job work, right now. I feel like that guilt has dissolved. That I have time to study and pursue my dreams, by doing an online course. But one from Open University, which is one of the best online universities. I still have to be more disciplined but I feel like I’m getting there. I have responsibilities now, people and cats that depend on me. I push through, I fail, I insist. That is the recipe. There is no other way. It’s like toning a muscle. The more you work on it, the more it strengthens.
When we don’t have discipline, we may hardwire it on our brain. Now that we have time, we can use our responsibilities as ways to be more disciplined. Be responsible for yourself, make yourself do things. Start small.
I started so small. The beginning of the road is tough. We don’t see the finish line or a beautiful scenery. As we walk slowly up the hill, we start to see the city in front us. Still far but now we see it. We have more strength to keep going.
Life is good, despite what is going on. I have my lovely G, who keeps me company and makes me feel loved. He brightens my days. He is so smart, kind and caring. I couldn’t ask for anyone better. I’m comfortable with being in an LDR (long distance relationship). That what I need right now. I’m still a little weary of men and it feels good to be alone. But we will meet when this is over. I hope it doesn’t last a year, like some people were estimating and I hope we get there safe and sound. I feel like we are meant to be together. We have a peaceful relationship. I can really dive into his mind and discuss anything. I am so grateful to have him in my life.
My God, how did I go from be an almost total skin to someone who cleans all the time and works out, is curious to me. I feel like if I can do this, I can do much more and that is very empowering. You start to come out of your shell and you start to want challenging things. Not necessarily coronavirus, it didn’t need to be THIS challenging but I take it. I have n9 other option. When you don’t choose the challenge (and many times, we don’t), we have to ride it like a wave. Make peace with the fact that we might not make it. This hard realization, that some gurus wish us to keep in mind, is necessary. We must do what we can to protect ourselves and others. That is all. The rest is up to how well we do it and luck.
In 100 years, we probably won’t be here. I say probably because if the ones who survive this pandemic can do even more research on longevity, we may be able to live longer. 5 minutes from now, you’ll finish reading this post, your attention will go elsewhere. Time doesn’t stop, it always keep going. We are nothing but a quark in the universe, an infinitely small or enormous particle. But we should think about us as small. As a tiny but important part of the universe, something much greater than our ego and ourselves. Our life and death contribute to this huge system. Each of them has its purpose. It’s always useful to someone or something.
However, I don’t think we should commit suicide. Accepting death doesn’t mean actually craving it. It means that you understand your place and weight in the world, try to survive and be cautious. There is already so much heartbreak in this world. Someone will miss you. Someone will wish you had stayed. I do support euthanasia but I only believe in it when it comes to extreme cases.
I’m writing about this again and this is aimed at people who are struggling with suicidal thoughts, who are feeling hopeless. I’m hoping you understand that you are greater and smaller than you think you are, you matter. You are literally matter. A living and breathing miracle. A drop in the ocean that can purify other drops. Give people around you life and love. If you find no purpose, not a job or subject, find someone to be your purpose: taking care of your parents, a cat, someone you love, your friends. Living for someone when you can’t love yourself, loving someone good that loves you back, is an amazing experience. When you are with that person, everything melts away. It’s just you and that person, that being who makes you smile who comforts you, who supports you. Tale care of people that also take care of you. Unless, of course, you have to take care of your children or parents, for example. In that case, do it for them.
You can even use spite as a source of strength. Some people you don’t like would be pleased if you died. Do you really want to make them happy and have the opportunity to call you weak and so on? I don’t think so. Live in spite of them. Live for who and what you love. Happiness will come, I’m sure. It might be a fleeting moment but it will be worthwhile.
I understand that some of us are tired. Tired in ways that I cannot fathom and in other ways that I can. I know how it is to be abused and emotionally exhausted. I know how it is to work too much but not doing physical work. Some of you have very physically and mentally tiring jobs. A call-center is exhausting for the mind. Working construction is exhausting on the body. Being a waiter is exhausting in both senses. I have no way of knowing what you’re going through. But believe me, I love you. I want you to stay with us. Fight with us, by our side.
Ask for help, call a hotline, do what you can to stay here. You ate not a burden, of lesser value or broken. You are someone important, the world is better with you here. Don’t leave.
I love you all very much. Stay safe.