A break from pain

I’m on a break from pain

Floating

Walking with my feet above the ground

Enjoying and savoring

Every flavor of life

Accepting while wanting to change

Understanding

Using reason as a sword

Using logic as a tool

To protect myself

And others

Step by step

Day by day

It gets easier

Every action towards movement

Every movement towards evolution

Evolution as a means to survive

Survival as a form of happiness

For I could be somewhere else

Somewhere no one knows

One of the great mysteries of life

That I don’t want to unveil

Happy to be here

Happy to live

In A Vast Space Of Nothingness

TW: Suicide

Night soothes the eyes

It calms the mind

Or not

It never fails to calm me

Only when life is bad

Only when trauma happens at night

Does it shift

In our perception

Silence becomes oppressive

Darkness becomes gloomy

The world seems to change in a second

Like when he jumped

On the side of my building

Every night, as I enter the kitchen

I remember that he fell for his death there

I turn my back to the window

Sitting at my table

Eating

I feel his presence behind me

Don’t ask me how

Don’t ask me why

Day after day

I accept it more

I understand it more

Understanding doesn’t mean that I would do the same

It just gives me peace

I want to be at ease with the universe

See adversity as an opportunity

Not a tragedy

Imagine

Taking life as it comes

Becoming stronger

Keeping your mind open

But being firm in our principles

Being a source of calmness and happiness for others

Loving yourself but still understand

That you are a work in progress

And comprehend

That this is not the end

Lavoisier cannot be mistaken

Nothing is lost, everything is transformed

We can leave this planet physically

But maybe the journey doesn’t end there

And if it does, we may finally rest

In a vast space of nothingness

Image courtesy of @taslim_r pm Instagram

Poem: Ramblings Of A Hyperactive Mind

I wonder

Why I have these days

When words seem to flow freely

From my mind to the internet

They want to upload our brains

Oh yes

They do

Will it be safe for us?

Who knows what they can do?

Will our privacy be important?

Will that data be sold profit?

Oh yes

They could

But I sip every second like wine

All the time

Drinking minutes and hours

Swimming in months

The time is now

As it was yesterday

And the day before

I want more

More action, more movement

More love , more passion

Hard pass

Love and passion are tough

And can both pass

Feelings like glass

As they are broken

They cut

They cut open my chest

A wound that fails to heal

I bleed

But I don’t die

I’m fierce

Like every wounded animal

Poem: The Rave

Waves and particles

Moving

Creating frequencies when can hear

Creating joy and hope

Spreading sadness

Spreading love

It’s how we rise above

And survive

Every beat like a breath

Giving me life

Or showing me death

Slowly declining

But the music is still fresh

Slowly falling again

And the notes go up and down

Like they do not care

Every step is a chord

A sample

The sound of an exotic instrument

My mind enjoys the excitement of music

My spirit rejoices

For these sounds are therapeutic

For the rhythm makes us move

Forget our melancholic mood

Forget the past

You are one with sound

Surrounded by movement

Of people and colors and smiles

Poem: Dark Days With Silver Linings

Awake

Reality sets in

I remember what happened

What you said

Mocking

How do you mock someone you like?

Your words like poisoned arrows

And I was struck

It will take some time for the poison to disappear

Flashbacks

Free from pain but drowning in it

Free from him

It will take a colossal amount of love

And time

To heal this fragmented chest

These pieces of me that you broke

Will be fused again

I will rise again

I will live again

Lost in thought but found in feelings

Dark days with silver linings

I can’t stop

Feelings change every day

Time soothes wounds

Shutting off unending mental chatter

With meditation

I live in a world of ideas

Not intrusive thoughts

Intrusions on my mind will not be tolerated

For some battles are already lost

And yet

Losing them was an absolute win

There was victory in losing

Some games aren’t even supposed to be won

They are rigged

As you find the bugs in the code

You realize

This is too much

Pain and trauma brought him here

With dark eyes

And a darker heart

Poem: Liquid Painful Feelings

The rain falls

But it’s not really rain

It’s tears

And not really tears

but pain

liquid painful feelings

that we secrete

they’re gone now

Tears meant to be cried

Never taste so sour

and so sweet

When tears have no meaning

When they roll down your face

And you don’t know why

There is a story waiting to be told

Sometimes

A single tear falls down my face

I ask her

“What happened?”

She never knows what to say

“Nothing”– she says

“They just told me to go and I did”

I carry on

Clean my face and I forget about her existence

Some fluid that forgot time and place

Or did she? Does she know of pain that I do not know?

That my brain has suppressed and blocked.

Maybe. And maybe my brain needs to make me cry for no apparent reason

From time to time

When I’m unbalanced

Being unbalanced is a reason

But why does it happen when I’m not?

When the breeze is cool and the sun is hot

What memory came up that I cannot see?

What is my brain hiding from me?

Poem: Just A Figment Of My Imagination

Walking through

A deserted road

Silent buildings

Hidden people

Words that come and never go

I don’t let them go

Because if I do I might forget it

Make the same mistake again

Every cell in my body invested in loving you

Every neuron and nerve ending

But my mind

My mind disagrees

“Oh, my dear

Wake up from this dream

For this man you see is not real”

My mind looks out for me and my foolish heart

Every atom in my body misses him

When he was a loving, kind man

I just want to feel that way again

The excitement of wanting to be with someone you adore

I don’t have it anymore

Every man scares me

Scars don’t let me be unbiased

We’re all biased

Walking through

A deserted road

I want to see him

But he’s dead

The one I love is just a figment of my imagination

It was never real

Poem: But Not Everyone Can See

Late

No light left in the sky

Apart from the moon,

Planets, and stars.

I hear cars passing by

The sound of a untold story

Where are they going?

How many more stories would I know

And be able to tell if I could

Somehow

Perceive every story of every person

In every moving car a familiar face

In every familiar face, amazing words

Words that form sentences

Paragraphs

Essays on human nature

No

I would only want to know the most beautiful love stories

I would only want to know about loyal friends

Existential dread walks hand in hand with some stories

It scares me

I want to be inspired by constructive heartbreak

Not senseless and hopeless pain

That comes and never goes

I carry the stories of my friends and loved ones

Some have been struck by tragedy

Obstacles like mountains

Broken hearts that don’t forgive

Tainted souls that don’t forget

For forgetting means repeating

Falling for the same mistakes

Time and time again

My shattered heart forgives and understands

I know their reasons

What they thought they didn’t tell me

I could see in their eyes

How they told their stories

Word after word

Face moving and showing emotion

Every word automatically analyzed

Through the scanner of my own experience

Every red flag stored in a little box with their name on it

I don’t forget

The more you talk about yourself

The more I see you for what you are

And not for what you want me to see

Every story we tell is an opportunity for people to know us

The real you and me

But not everyone can see

Our personality imprinted in every word

Every smile

Every tear that falls on our cheeks

And every tear that no one sees

For it is stored in our soul

Poem: This Beautiful Planet We Call Earth

Quiet

Tender

So is darkness

Above

And beyond

Waves of muffled sounds

Of cars and buses

Of motorcycles

It’s a pleasant and comforting sound

Like a lullaby

I exist

Floating above the sound and below the sky

I endure

Days upon days

Of quiet torture

And subtle discomfort

Comfortably placed with an uncomfortable mind

I stay behind

Guarding the underachievers

Protecting hobos and prostitutes

Looking after the drunk punk

And the squatter who is high

I

Yes, I

Walk the steps of those who dared to move

Because they had to

And I have to

Tone these muscles that sustain me

Smoke less cigarettes

Eat more greens

Life can be bohemian and healthy

Sickness is expensive

And sometimes fatal

We can’t risk it

That’s why I see so many people running

And walking

Riding bicycles and skateboards

Or rollerblades

Just moving

Breathing pure air

And catching some sun

That is the life

One of the best parts of it

With movement

There is no poetry

Unless it’s poetry about movement

I can’t write while moving

But I can watch someone move

And write a few sentences about her

There is time for everything

Movement

Poetry

Writing

Drawing

It’s all I do

And all I want to do

Art as a means to evolve

And heal

Writing as a therapy

As a catharsis

An escape fr this disorganized organized chaos

That is this beautiful planet

We call earth

Image by qimono, courtesy of Pixabay