I’ve been so happy. I’ve been having an amazing time. I never thought I would be as content as I feel now. Always expecting the worse, I was immersed in catastrophic thinking. And, ironically, I’m so used to it that an actual pandemic doesn’t seem so scary. Of course, that is in my case, since I can stay home. I know I would be much more worried if I was working a regular job.
It’s amazing how something as bad as catastrophic thinking can have a good side. I’ve been noticing so many silver linings. I accept challenges as chances to grow and evolve. There are lessons to be learned.
As encouragement to anyone having a tough time, sometimes it takes a while to notice the silver linings but they might be there. And when you see them, you’ll feel better. It may give you some closure. It will comfort you and show you that not everything that is apparently bad can be beneficial. That bullet you dodged, that you miss. That toxic friend. It hurts in the beginning but then you start reaping the benefits.
So keep pushing through, keep fighting. Good things will come to you. I wholeheartedly believe in that.
I have struggled for many years. Sometimes I felt that the light at the end of the tunnel was an incoming train. And maybe it is, I’m not safe from harm. I don’t believe in happily ever after. All I know is that I will keep fighting til I die. I won’t go down without a fight. I feel my spark coming back. Feeling intense fear for so long has made more resistant to it. Knowing the absurdity of life and how it might at any moment made me not fear death. But I don’t crave it. I want to live a long life. I want to go back to college and have a good job. I believe that it’s possible. I have resources and I am capable of that. I believe in myself finally. I also love myself. It took a long time but I made it in that sense.
Keep fighting, don’t give up. And if you do give up for a while, don’t be too hard on yourself. Sometimes we need to hide in a cocoon and emerge as a beautiful butterfly. A stronger, empowered and confident butterfly that is able to go very far and do amazing things.
I love you all ❤