My father puts me down on a regular basis. I was feeling so good and he had to tell me that I’m getting worse, that my life is a tragedy and that I will regret it later. I know my life isn’t perfect, not by far. The changes have been subtle but they are constant. The thing about baby steps, which was what my therapist recommended me, is that they are not very obvious for the untrained eye. I have been doing the dishes after dinner, I went out alone last Saturday, I have a skin care routine, I’ve been studying, I’ve been waking up in the morning more often. I plan to start cleaning my bathroom every two days, starting on Wednesday. I’ve been doing my bed more often, I’ve been smoking less, I’ve been drinking less coffee. This is a big deal for me. I’ve been pushing through and becoming more active and productive.
If you are in my situation, you’re doing baby steps to get unstuck, I am proud of you. Don’t let other people put you down, just say “yes” to everything and keep doing what you’re doing. If you are too depressed or exhausted to do effort, I am proud of you as well. You will be able to start your baby steps soon, I’m sure. And as you start, after a few weeks, you’ll notice that things get easier. You get used to doing what you’re doing and you start feeling confident enough to do more. At least that’s how I feel.
My father said that he was suffering. I am very sorry for that, I just wish he could notice the effort I’m making to lead a normal life. I am going to talk to him later but I don’t know if it’s going to change anything. He is a very active man, that does many things, so my baby steps look microscopic to him. My mother is more understanding and she sees what I’m doing. I am grateful for that.
Speaking of gratitude, I am grateful for many things right now. I am grateful for my family, boyfriend and friends. They are very supportive and have been very good to me. I am grateful for my health, I wish to be more mindful of it and do more exercise, in order to stay healthy. I am grateful for my cats, they are my purring, fluffy, love baskets. Petting them and taking care of them is very therapeutic for me. I just love cats. If I believed in spirit animals, they would be mine.
I am grateful for the house I live in, the food I eat, my clothes and comfort. I am grateful for my cellphone that allows me to post on WordPress anywhere. That gives me great freedom and pleasure. I am grateful for my computer. I am grateful for my speaker, that allows me to listen to music with great quality. I am grateful for being alive and well, for being more stable and peaceful. I am grateful for my meditation practice, it has helped me immensely. I am grateful for all the information available online, it allows me to learn about a plethora of subjects. I am grateful to live in this country, I really enjoy being here. I am grateful for my therapist, she is a light in the dark and one of my biggest cheerleaders. She helps me think and understand my issues better. I am grateful for this season, that I love, the wonderful summer. I am grateful for having found and joined WordPress. I am grateful for my followers, the wonderful people that interact with me and the ones that just read my posts. You are great and I am glad to have you in my life.
Writing this gives me a warm, fuzzy feeling of comfort and gratitude. I really am fortunate in so many ways.
I spoke to my father and he agreed with me. I am very relieved. I did it, not only to defend myself but also to relieve him, too. For him to see things in a more positive way because there are positive things to be seen.
I hope you are having a wonderful day. I love you all.
Image by Free-Photos, courtesy of Pixabay.