What I Have Been Up To

I haven’t written in a while. Took an unintended break. I just didn’t feel like writing at all. My PC has been off for over a week. I don’t want to turn it on, for some reason. It’s weird. My mind has been quieter, less painful memories.

One of my aunts died last week. We had a complicated relationship but I loved her. Had to go to the wake and the funeral. I hated it. My mom cried and cried. I just stood there. Numb and cold. Waiting for it to end.

Now that I’m getting older, funerals are more frequent and it’s not very pleasant. Death has been a part of my life since I was little. I have thought about it for a long time. It’s the end of a cycle, as important as life itself. We shouldn’t fear it, nor should we look for it. Let nature take its course. Everyone knows that life is hard, it’s a fact. But not everything is bad, there are a lot of great things about living. The mystery of life is also appealing. The uncertainty and impermanence. We have seen a black hole for the first time, a few days ago. I believe there will be many more breakthroughs and discoveries that will help us understand life and the universe. That makes me excited to live. These are exciting times. An excellent time for inquisitive minds.

My mind has been so scattered. I lose myself on YouTube and then draw. Then, I remember that I should be writing and get back to that. I’ve written a few posts but never completed them, which is a mistake. It’s wasted work. Blogs need to he active in order to have a good ranking on Google. I need to keep that in mind. There are a few subjects that I want to write about. I’m working on an article about self-care, which I think is very important for everyone but especially for people with mental health conditions.

I’m listening to Italo Disco. The name of the artist is Casco (Salvatore Cusato). There are a few albums on YouTube.

Thank you for all of your comments. You are too kind. I’ll be sure to check out your blogs as soon as possible. Much love ❤

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A corpse at my door

I’m a bit disturbed today. When I woke up, my mother told me that my best friend’s father had died. She had recently told me that he was in the hospital and wasn’t okay. Today, he died.

I went outside to have coffee with a friend. As I was leaving the building, where he was lying on the ground. Lifeless. A corpse at my door. How odd.

How fragile is life? One second and you’re gone. Today, her father died but it could’ve been mine or yours. There’s this disquiet within me. This fear and melancholy.

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He died on a beautiful, sunny day. His departure made this day sadder and his family poorer. Dying is like diving into a sea of oblivion. At least that’s how I imagine it.

It’s hard to imagine something so mysterious. We sometimes forget death, until it happens to someone you know. Then it’s there, it’s real. Almost palpable.

So therefore in the course of nature once we have ceased to see magic in the world anymore, we’re no longer fulfilling nature’s game of being aware of itself. There’s no point in it and so we’re done. And so something else comes which gets an entirely new point of view. It is therefore not natural for us to wish to perpetuate life indefinitely, but we live in a culture where it has been rubbed into us in every conceivable way that to die is a terrible thing. And that is a tremendous disease from which our culture in particular suffers.

-Alan Watts

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On days when someone dies, I like to think about that. How it could be a release and the beginning of something new. Something to be celebrated and seen in a peaceful way. See it as just another step in our journey. But it’s hard. We bond with people and most of us have a very special bond with our parents. You never want to see them go.  It’s hard and counterintuitive to celebrate death but the paradigm will shift. It always does. We just don’t know how or when. Until then, we will continue to see death as dark and mysterious. As a tragedy.

 

Images courtesy of Pixabay.