This is my 500th post. I’ve written so many words. Since 2017, I’ve been sharing my journey, talking about music, apps, sharing my art, etc. It has been amazing. There was beauty in the struggle and lessons to be learned. I welcomed every experience as an opportunity to grow. So I grew.
I grew into a more confident, more assertive, more stable and happier version of myself. Trust issues turned into healthy boundaries and I regained control. I understood that I can’t help everyone and that some people are not a good addition to my life. Life became more peaceful. Harmonious connections were made. Older bonds with toxic people were broken. I had more space for people better suited to me.
I began with a relationship that wasn’t making me happy, to falling in love with T and getting my heart broken. Survived narcissistic abuse once again. The scars from the past were reopened and I was so overwhelmed with pain that I had to cut all ties with him. That was a good thing. I miss him sometimes, the good side of him.
After a year, I was in a long distance relationship. He was so smart and funny. But things didn’t work out. We still talk, he is an amazing person.
Now, it’s a new dawn of a new day. I feel happy and content. I feel like life is giving me a break. I was consumed by worry and now I know I won’t be able to leave the house to get a job. I know that I have to get one but not now and that feels amazing.
I’m not fearful, worried or stressed. I am working out, eating well, having fun and doing productive things. Life is good and this blog is part of the reason why is it that way. I got to many conclusions while writing. It’s a good way to rationalize and process things. It helped with my recovery, though I am smoking at the moment. I know that if I need to get in the right mindset, writing will help.
I have posted very little this year and for that, I’m sorry. I need to write more frequently but sometimes I just lack the motivation or inspiration. Hopefully now, I’ll get back on track and post a few times a week. Writing is so important to me, so therapeutic. Reading your blogs and your comments is also so good. This is a wonderful community that I love, 99.9% of the time, the comments are positive and kind. I feel like I belong here, that I am connected to wonderful people from all around the world who share my passion for writing. For that and so much more, I am grateful.
I finally actually like living. I haven’t had suicidal ideation in over a week. I feel like I have a purpose and I finally have more pleasure doing things. I am grateful to be alive. It’s a wonderful feeling. It feels like my hard work has been paying off. I will work even harder and go even farther.
Thank you so much for reading and supporting my blog. I love you all.