Today

Oh God, I had the biggest meltdown today. I had lunch with my parents and uncle. Everything was going well but I was feeling sad and overwhelmed. Almost started crying at the table. I excused myself and laid on my bed. I was feeling restless, uncomfortable, having that “I don’t feel good anywhere” feeling. Then came existential dread. And I started crying. I cried and cried for about an hour. Then, I decided to talk to my mother. She comforted me and I decided to take a sleeping pill, in order to rest.

And I slept until 1 am. I woke up feeling like a new person and in a really good mood. I guess that all that crying was cathartic. I feel more at peace now. I guess some meltdowns have a purpose. The brain is intelligent after all. An amazing biological machine.

I fell asleep at 4 am and woke up at 6 am. Charming. Just what I needed. How I wish I could sleep for 8 hours straight. I’ve only achieved that during the day, never during the night, no matter what time I go to sleep. I’m not tired now but I will be in a few hours and I would love to go out today. I’m going out with my ex. It’s going to be great.

I’m so tired now. It’s been 2 hours since I woke up. Being always tired because you don’t get enough sleep is very annoying. I’ve meditated for 30 minutes an hour ago. I will meditate for at least another 30 minutes after I write this. It’s one of the activities that actually calm me and allow me to feel more peaceful.

I will be doing some changes to the layout of the site. I think it’s not optimal and I want it to be better. Any feedback about it is greatly appreciated.

See you laters, my lovely gators ❤