I woke up early today, which is pretty good. It feels great to he awake in the morning. Plenty of sun, the light is just so bright and lovely. The day is going to be hot, I can tell.
I’m trying to convince myself to go out. I know all the rational and wise reasons to go but I’m still struggling with that thought. I need to convince myself that it’s the best thing for me. Get in that mindset.
I really need to see my therapist and vent. She’s the only one I can talk about everything I feel and my past hurts. I don’t want to vent to my boyfriend and friends. My boyfriend understands but I don’t want to deal with my pain. He’s very sensitive and empathetic so he suffers with me. He has enough problems in his life right now. I want to be his light in the dark and give him the best of me. Be supportive and kind, listen to him and give him unconditional love. That’s what he deserves.
My therapist is very kind and she helps me think about my issues. She asks questions. My answers and her answers help me get to conclusions. Important conclusions that may help me get closure from some situations. I really need it. I see my therapist as a special friend. Someone who is not judgemental and that validates me. Someone whose first instinct is to see the positive side of an event. I’m not that positive sometimes so it’s really helpful.
As the weather is getting better, I’m planning to go to the beach tomorrow. I could really use some sun and iodine. For the first time in years, since my childhood, I’m not self-conscious of my body. It’s not a matter of being fit, which I’m not but a matter of how I see myself. I have come to accept my body, with all its glorious flaws. It’s an important part of me that I cherish and appreciate. Even when I was fit, I mostly didn’t like my body. I always wanted to be thinner than I was. I wanted to have a perfectly fat stomach. Now, I have a chubby stomach and I’m okay with it. I am planning to do some sit-ups so it gets smaller, just to be healthier. Exercise would be very beneficial to me. This sedentary life is no bueno. It wreaks havoc on the body and I have already have circulatory problems. There are a number of exercise apps so, if I find a good one, I will share it here. Exercise is fundamental for physical and mental health.
It’s settled, I’m going out. But there’s a problem: I might need to go to the supermarket and I really have a tough time going there. There is an alternative: instead of going to the big supermarket near my house, I’ll go to a smaller one that is not far. It belongs to another inexpensive supermarket chain so the prices will be affordable.
Now I’m listening to motivating music. Something to get me going and confident enough to go out. I need a little push.
The day is just beautiful. I’m going to buy a few apple ciders to drink tonight. It’s a guilty pleasure since it has alcohol and lots of sugar. When I used to smoke, I wouldn’t drink at all. Now, I feel the need to drink, once in a while. Just one or two apple ciders, nothing serious.
In six minutes, I’m going to start getting ready to go out. This is definitely a process and progress. I need this process to go out: to think about rational reasons for going out, convince myself and get in that mindset. Writing about it helps me a lot. I rationalize and internalize things better.
It’s almost time, so I have to go. I’ll see if I get inspired to write outside. That would be pleasant. 🙂
I hope you have a great day.
Image courtesy of Pixabay.