Morning Thoughts

Good morning, everyone.

Coffee notebook pen

I woke up early today, even though I went to bed late. It feels good to wake up early. I like to have a cup of coffee in the morning.

woman in shorts,shirtless man hugging while lying down

He’s sleeping and I’m in the kitchen writing. It feels good to be with someone. To hug, to hold, to kiss. I was feeling so needy and now I feel so loved and cared for. He treats me well and makes me laugh.

I’ve been talking to my ex every day. I miss him sometimes. He’s a good friend and I know that if I need to vent or talk about anything, he’ll be there. And I’ll be there for him. It feels good to stay friends with him. He was and is a big part of my life. I will love him forever.

That’s how I feel for the people I really loved. Respect and love. Forever. They helped me grow and evolve. They taught me lessons. Their love was important to me.

I’m now in a dangerous position. I’m in love with someone who doesn’t want to have a serious relationship. It may sound tricky but it’s an easier situation than it sounds. I’m enjoying the moment and not caring about what happens tomorrow. When it changes, I’ll be sad but happy that it happened.

He has given me a motivation boost like no other. I shower every day. Take care of myself. Go outside like it’s nothing. I wore a skirt yesterday for him (and me, of course). It’s a feeling of being whole again. Single but whole. Ready to start fighting. Ready to start living.

I hope you are well.

Images are courtesy of Pixabay.


Morning thoughts

I woke up early today, which is pretty good. It feels great to he awake in the morning. Plenty of sun, the light is just so bright and lovely. The day is going to be hot, I can tell.

I’m trying to convince myself to go out. I know all the rational and wise reasons to go but I’m still struggling with that thought. I need to convince myself that it’s the best thing for me. Get in that mindset.

I really need to see my therapist and vent. She’s the only one I can talk about everything I feel and my past hurts. I don’t want to vent to my boyfriend and friends. My boyfriend understands but I don’t want to deal with my pain. He’s very sensitive and empathetic so he suffers with me. He has enough problems in his life right now. I want to be his light in the dark and give him the best of me. Be supportive and kind, listen to him and give him unconditional love. That’s what he deserves.

My therapist is very kind and she helps me think about my issues. She asks questions. My answers and her answers help me get to conclusions. Important conclusions that may help me get closure from some situations. I really need it. I see my therapist as a special friend. Someone who is not judgemental and that validates me. Someone whose first instinct is to see the positive side of an event. I’m not that positive sometimes so it’s really helpful.

As the weather is getting better, I’m planning to go to the beach tomorrow. I could really use some sun and iodine. For the first time in years, since my childhood, I’m not self-conscious of my body. It’s not a matter of being fit, which I’m not but a matter of how I see myself. I have come to accept my body, with all its glorious flaws. It’s an important part of me that I cherish and appreciate. Even when I was fit, I mostly didn’t like my body. I always wanted to be thinner than I was. I wanted to have a perfectly fat stomach. Now, I have a chubby stomach and I’m okay with it. I am planning to do some sit-ups so it gets smaller, just to be healthier. Exercise would be very beneficial to me. This sedentary life is no bueno. It wreaks havoc on the body and I have already have circulatory problems. There are a number of exercise apps so, if I find a good one, I will share it here. Exercise is fundamental for physical and mental health.

It’s settled, I’m going out. But there’s a problem: I might need to go to the supermarket and I really have a tough time going there. There is an alternative: instead of going to the big supermarket near my house, I’ll go to a smaller one that is not far. It belongs to another inexpensive supermarket chain so the prices will be affordable.

Now I’m listening to motivating music. Something to get me going and confident enough to go out. I need a little push.

The day is just beautiful. I’m going to buy a few apple ciders to drink tonight. It’s a guilty pleasure since it has alcohol and lots of sugar. When I used to smoke, I wouldn’t drink at all. Now, I feel the need to drink, once in a while. Just one or two apple ciders, nothing serious.

In six minutes, I’m going to start getting ready to go out. This is definitely a process and progress. I need this process to go out: to think about rational reasons for going out, convince myself and get in that mindset. Writing about it helps me a lot. I rationalize and internalize things better.

It’s almost time, so I have to go. I’ll see if I get inspired to write outside. That would be pleasant. 🙂

I hope you have a great day.

Image courtesy of Pixabay.

Morning thoughts

So, as you know, I’m still awake. I’ve been up all night. I feel a bit tired but okay. It’s a sunny day but I don’t plan to go outside. It feels good to be awake so early. I can hear seagulls outside. I’m experimenting with binaural beats, trying those videos for creative, focus, studying, etc. Once I wrote a poem while listening to a track on YouTube. I listen if the track is pleasant if it makes me feel good. Everything is evolving, ever so rapidly. I feel like I’m falling behind. I think I won’t fall behind because I use different platforms and enjoying using new apps and programs. But I’m falling behind in knowledge and work. That’s something I need to change.

I’ve been thinking a lot, as usual. If I let go of my habit, I will give room to new positive energy to come into my life. As I spend more time with parents, I feel like I belong again. That I love my family unconditionally. They are truly one of the lights of my life. I spend time with them in the living room, which means I don’t smoke. Drugs promote isolation when people are addicted. I will try to counter that with connection and bonding. I’ve been feeling much better. I’m getting to know my parents better, remembering old events and situations. I have to turn my fear of going to a rehab facility in strength to kick this habit.

I saw 3 people yesterday. I had coffee with a friend and then I was with a couple of friends and their baby. It was such pleasant night. But I couldn’t wait to come back home. It’s like my house is a magnet and I’m made of metal. I can’t go very far.

As I was walking outside, last night, I felt good. It felt good to walk, feel the fresh air on my face. See people and talk to people. I felt alive but nothing beats home. Here is where I feel better. My safe haven. I’m so grateful for having my own space. A place when I can have some privacy, where I’m not bothering anyone. I’m grateful for many things. I don’t take things for granted. I appreciate what is done for me and I enjoy helping others.

What a peaceful morning this is. The sun is gone. Only thick, grey clouds in the sky.

Spring is coming and I’m going to become one year older. I’m okay with it. Age doesn’t scare me. I feel better in my own skin with age, it has been a blessing. Growing older is normal and natural. Just use some products for your skin and you’re good to go. Don’t be afraid of gravity and sagging boobs: you will love yourself no matter what and you will be comfortable in your skin. Of course, it’s not everyone. I am fortunate to be accepting of my shape and size, of gravity and skin. It’s not the end of the world. Trust me, it is not the end of the world. It is the beginning of new insights and perspectives, of being wiser, more in touch with yourself. Beauty is good but it fades. Wisdom just grows and expands. Wisdom helps you avoid many problems, you become calmer. You start enjoying your own company more and more. Enjoying the smaller things in life, in order to keep pursuing the bigger things. Taking time to think and understand what surrounds me. Making a short-medium term plan for the future. Starting to act and to pursue my goals in a more active way. One of my goals is keeping this blog alive and well. I’ve never gone a week without posting. I’ve posted 8 times in one day. I want to keep this going. Continue to search for resources, apps and good mental health tips.

How have you been?

Image by wilhei, courtesy of Pixabay.

Morning thoughts(2)

It’s morning, the sun is shining. I feel great in the morning, hate waking up late. The morning sun is anti-depressant, so it’s the best time to be out in the sun though I rarely do it. I’ve been in this state for many years, hiding from life (“hiding like thieves in the night from life”). Music keeps me going, it’s one of the things that help me. This is my last fm, if anyone is interested to know what I’ve been listening to. Right now, I’m listening to Spotify’s Discover Weekly. I’ve been mainly listening to playlists or discographies.
This morning will be productive. I’ll be writing. Keeping my mind occupied and finding new material for this blog.
I want this blog to be informative and helpful. A blog that can help improve your quality of life and help you find answers.
I spent many years looking for answers. I had so much anger and resentment. That consumed me. My life was a rollercoaster. I was happy for a while, every day. Now, I rarely know what happiness is. But I know what stability is and that, for me, is a type of happiness. Having emotional stability was one of my dreams. Having a stable home life was another one and I achieved that, too. Many things changed when after I turned 30. The fire of anger was extinguished, resentment faded a lot. Things started to make more sense. One day, my psychiatrist told me that I had the power to stop the arguments with my parents. I stopped fighting and they stopped fighting. We were in peace again, just like that because I started to talk less and listen more. No one wins in a fight, everybody loses. So why start one? Why not discuss things in a civil manner? I’m not judging anyone who does it, this is just food for thought.

The morning is almost over. Thank you for reading this.

Image by Engin_Akyurt, courtesy of Pixabay.