Late Night Thoughts

I have been behaving and going to sleep early but not today. There’s no explanation for it, I was just excited to do things, all of a sudden. It’s so annoying feeling like you can do a million more things at 2 am. To have a productive night, you ruin a perfectly good next day.  I’m still debating if I’ll stay up or not. I would really like to be with my ex in the morning and afternoon. It’s almost 5 am so I’ll only be up in the afternoon. That sucks. But staying up all night and all day is also not a good idea. I’m going to stop drinking coffee and get ready for bed. Hopefully, I’ll wake up in the morning. In the worst case scenario, I’ll wake up at 3 or 4 pm.

This type of impulsivity is very detrimental to me and my life. There must be ways to curb this. It’s just that I feel unmotivated so many times that when I have some motivation and actual desire to do productive things, I just go for it. I hope this makes sense.

Now that I’m taking less medication, I sometimes feel like my spark is back. Like it’s slowly returning to normal. I’ve been drawing, working out and cleaning every day. I’ve been outside every day. I feel like I’m still taking a little too much medication and I believe that once I reduce it even more, I’ll feel even better. Never so good that I’m manic or psychotic, good and stable.

Nice, it’s 4:44. I find it so interesting when I randomly see these numbers. Not that I believe that they have any meaning, I just like number sequences. It would be fun if they meant anything esoteric or something haha. “You’ve seen 4:44. You are in the right path and you will meet the love of your life today. The angels have a message for you”. Umm, no. I really don’t believe in angels, though I respect the people who do. I don’t think it’s something harmful, though it can be. Anything can be harmful really. That’s the truth. I really have a chronic mistrust of people who say they talk to spirit guides and go to other dimensions. I’m a true skeptic, it seems like a fairy tale. If anyone has experienced anyone like that, comment below, I would love to hear your story. It would be great if it was true: people in contact with ancient teachers that transmit knowledge to them. That would be the type of thing to blow my mind. You know, when you have a tendency for paranoia, you really have to be careful with what you’re messing with. If there are such paranormal activities and individuals capable of extraordinary things (which it might be true), there are easily extraordinary people doing terrible things with said power. Dwelling on the occult and witchcraft, etc, is a good way to have a meltdown. Be very careful of the things you do and the knowledge you acquire. Sometimes it’s better to remain ignorant and not know some facts.

As people with mental health conditions, we should be very careful of what we do with our time. Self-care is a priority. Upsetting or dark themes may not be the healthiest option for us. Today, I was reading about Essentialism, the disciplined pursuit of less. It’s a really interesting subject and the book demonstrates how you can live in an essentialist ways. It’s all about saying no and establishing priorities and goals. It’s funny, the author says in the book that priority was singular for 500 years. It only became plural in the 1900’s. Sometimes we have too many priorities and are too scattered to do anything consistently. We do 1 mm of progress in a million directions, while the essentialist focuses on less. By focusin on less, you get better quality results and more self-satisfaction. I highly recommend reading this book. It’s very easy and light to read. If we were an essentialist society, which we are not, things would work much better. People would be more efficient and less stressed. The current paradigm of work must be changed but it doesn’t show many signs of change. We do seem to be going in the wrong direction when it comes to work.

Today I don’t have much time to write but I’ll write more tomorrow. I hope you have an excellent day.

 

Image courtesy of Pexels.

 

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Tonight

I feel full of energy tonight. It’s almost 3 am and I still feel so awake. Some days or nights are like this. My blood boils, ideas flow.

I need to sleep soon. It’s important that I wake up at a decent time tomorrow. There are a few things that I want to buy from a nearby shop. Face masks, hair masks, etc. They are cheap so about 10 dollars is enough to satisfy my sudden need for beauty products. I haven’t bought any in years. It feels good to treat myself once in a while. As I buy face and hair masks, creams, shampoos, etc, my hygiene and being clean becomes easier. As you get used to showering every day, you start wanting to pamper yourself. That’s okay and a great thing. Just don’t go nuts and buy the whole store haha. Just a few dollars that you can spare, being frugal is very important.

I’m finally getting sleepy, so I’m going to bed. Have a good night. Take care.

Tonight (night thoughts and ways to make money online(not scams))

It’s so late that I hear the birds sing already. Exchanging ideas with a friend, listening to music. I feel great. I feel I shouçd share with the blogosphere that I am happy and content. I enjoy writing very much and having the opportunity to share my thoughts with this wide audience is amazing. To see so many like-minded people, with similar struggles. It’s empowering to see that you are not alone and to receive the overwhelming support of the community.

I am hydrated and ready to write for a few more hours. I feel highly inspired tonight.

My heart’s bleeding words. That it has stored the last few days when I couldn’t write for the life of me. I think creativity also need to rest from time to time. To hibernate for a while, not write anything is okay. I just don’t want to do it. I feel like writing a lot and understanding myself better. Understanding my conditions and hat I can do to treat them. Tips and positive coping mechanisms are always important to know.

Because I want to improve even more. I want to have a job (working from home would be great but we’ll see. There are a lot of possibilities. I will be sharing those opportunities with you if they are worthwhile. I want this blog to help you in every way possible.

Maybe your disability is not much money or you haven’t been accepted for disability (like me), I want to help you make money online. You can be a freelancer and earn money in this new gig economy. There is Iwriter where you can write and get paid for it. There is Freelancer for freelancing jobs. There is also Upwork for online gigs and freelancing jobs. These types of jobs are multiplying and I will keep you updated.

I believe we can get better, I believe we can improve our lives. With our joint knowledge, we will overcome this. It may be hard but it’s going to be great! Don’t stop believing in recovery. It’s the light at the end of the tunnel.

Image by macayran, courtesy of Pixabay.

Today and tonight

It’s Friday night. The night is mine.
I won’t care or worry. I’ll just enjoy myself.
I won’t feel self-pity. I can overcome this.
Tonight I’ll just live and write.
I feel my spark coming back.
Today someone told me I was never going to be okay.
I almost started an argument but I let it go. Let people believe in what they want.
I will be okay, I just know it. I truly believe in it.
Sometimes people that are close to you can say things that are more hurtful than helpful.
At least, this way I know how some people feel about me and I will not take my time being nice. Respectful is enough.

I’m listening to this album . The album is called “Colors” and every song is named after a color. I find that very original. I love House music. Feels like a one-woman party here in my room 🙂
Believe me when I say that staying at home on Friday night, writing and listening to house music resembles a night out. Minus the people and inconveniences. It’s cheaper, safer and you are the DJ. You can also get on my Discord server and we can listen to music together. That’s what the cool kids are doing these days haha.

Stay cool.

Image by igormattio, courtesy of Pixabay.