Last week in music and music recommendations

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These were the artists that I listened to the most last week. I recommend every one of them.

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I found Grouper last week and I’ve been hooked. It’s so soothing and marvelous. Great for unwinding and self-soothing, in times of crisis.

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Thursday is an old favorite, from my emo days. I recommend it, listen to A City By The Light Divided. It’s a great album. It’s sad, it’s angsty, it’s angry. It’s a lot of feelings but you may like it. I sure do.

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Massive Attack is in the old favorite category. If you never listened to them, you really should. They are iconic. A cult group that never ceases to amaze. You never know what to expect. They have great love songs. Songs that are really innovative. Songs that we can’t stop hearing. Every album is amazing and I recommend starting with the first albums. It’s trip-hop, it’s electronic music. It’s a mix of genres and influences.

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Radiohead is my final old favorite. The first song I’ve ever heard from this band was Creep. I liked it at the time but I could never imagine what Radiohead would become. It has a huge following, their sound really matured and changed. Every album is good but the newer albums speak to me more. They never lost their spark. Their music is always fresh and innovative but you instantly know it’s them. I recommend listening to Ok Computer, Kid A and Amnesiac. Listen to the whole discography, if you can. You won’t regret it. Use headphones or good speakers. Listening to them is a real experience. They take you to other places. I’m listening to the King Of Limbs album. It’s very good so far. Tonight I’ll probably listen to their discography, just skip a few songs that make me sad. Radiohead is a whole mood.

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Tommy Genesis and Kilo Kish are very interesting artists, more urban and hip. That R’n’B mixed with strong electronic beats. Sometimes that’s exactly what I want to hear. I listen more to Tommy Genesis, a few of her songs, like 100Bad and Execute, are real bangers. It’s very good to listen to while walking outside.

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Cemeteries is a good friend of mine. I’ve listened to them countless times. It’s music for the heart, mind, and soul. So sensitive and beautiful. I like all of their albums but especially Barrow. I’ve talked about Cemeteries before, as I listen to them all the time. I’m listening to The Wilderness album. It’s from 2012 and it’s their first album. It’s a great debut album. I’ve only listened to it 3 or 4 times these last months so I’m listening to it again, paying more attention now. I love all the songs except one. It’s amazing how consistent they are. Kudos to them for delivering such amazing music.

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Pinkshinyultrablast is one of those bands that you just want to listen to more and more. It’s a Russian band, which is odd but interesting. You don’t associate shoegaze with Russia but I guess there’s shoegaze everywhere or almost. It could be called dream pop as well. The vocals are very dream pop. I’m listening to Miserable Miracles. It’s such a light and fun album. Reminds me of Cocteau Twins, at times. This album is very electronic and I think that every track is unique and beautiful. Maybe a little twee pop, too. Grandfeathered is different. More guitars, still dreamy and lovely. This is a band that I recommend. It’s energetic and yet serene music.

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Alcest is a French band. It started as a black metal band but their sound became more ethereal and atmospheric. I recommend Les Voyages de L’âme. It’s an amazing album. It reminds me of Opeth, at times.

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Destroyer is a band from Canada. It started as an electric folk band but their sound changed. It became more quirky and electronic. I recommend Kaputt. In my opinion, it’s their best album. Their frontman, Dan Bejar, said that he was influenced by Miles Davis and Roxy Music. The songs in this album are very catchy, with great female back vocals. According to Wikipedia, this album is jazz-infused, lounge music-inspired, sophisti-pop.

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Influenced by Mineral and American Football, Empire!Empire!(I Was A Lonely Estate) really revived the sound of mid-90’s emo. I recommend What It Takes To Move Forward. This is an excellent album, with hypnotic guitar riffs, amazing drums. The vocals and back vocals are a great addition, to give it that emocore feel.

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This was my tag timeline since January 4th. I love stats, so I find this very interesting. My taste is eclectic and I don’t listen to the same genre for a long time. I just follow what I feel at the moment or look for new bands.

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I want to increase the number of new bands that I find. There’s this mainstream notion that music is terrible now. I disagree, there are so many great new bands or bands that are unknown to us. They mix lots of different genres, it’s not that canned music that you hear on the radio. If you don’t have the patience to look for new bands, I will be recommending albums and bands. Music is so important to me that I had to include it in my blog. I hope you like it.

More music recommendations and stats next week. I hope you have a great week.

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Afternoon Thoughts

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Despite a few disagreements, the day is going well. I woke up at a decent time but today is Friday and I always tend to stay up later on Fridays and Saturdays. Hopefully, I can sleep at 3 am or around that time. That wouldn’t be so bad.

I slept for 8 hours and it’s very good. I’ve been sleeping for over 10 hours and that is detrimental to my health.

It’s nice to wake up in the daytime, though today is kind of gloomy. There’s a weird light and it’s very cloudy. The days are longer and warmer. We’re having a fake spring now. It will be colder soon.  I’m enjoying the temperature now. It’s just cold at night and I’m home by then. There’s a cool breeze that is very pleasant.

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I feel empowered and strong. Like nothing can bring me down. That is refreshing because I’ve been so down this week. Time heals everything and his absence is better than his presence. No more self-loathing. I’m a perfectly capable individual and I know I can evolve. I have my worth. For some, I’m precious and a good addition to their lives. For others, I’m trash and for most, I’m neutral. Just someone who appears from time to time. I’m okay with this, I can’t please everyone, nor do I want to. The ones that love me are enough to make me feel loved and cared for. To be honest, I don’t need new people in my life, right now. Trust issues are very complicated. I wish things weren’t as complicated as they are. After some disappointments, you just don’t look at people in the same way. You start mistrusting and being suspicious of everything. “What are this person’s intentions?”, “Will this person leave me?”, “What can I tell this person?” and “Can I trust this person?”. Lots of questions come to mind, You question everything. You listen carefully to what the person says. You look for red flags. Ah, red flags. The ones I completely ignored last time. You shouldn’t ignore red flags or your gut. That tends to end badly. It was bad but it could’ve been worse. Live and learn.

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The sun has set and the city is still alive. I hear people outside, buses, cars, subway. They are probably returning home from work, after a long, hard day. For some people, especially women, the second job begins now: taking care of kids, cleaning the house, making dinner. I read an article recently that women from my country are exhausted. The house and family are full-time jobs. That’s one of the reasons why I don’t want to have kids: I need to have time for myself. I would go mad if someone’s existence and well-being depended on me. Sleepless nights and going to work the other day, accidents, etc. It seems impossible to me. Being emotionally available at all times also seems too hard. I know, I know: being a mother gives you motivation and you find a strength you never thought you had. What if I regret it? What if something terrible happens? What if my child develops a mental health condition? Would I be able to live with myself? People’s most usual answer is “You just don’t think about that, you just do it.” I disagree. We should think about everything. People should think more about where they are getting themselves into. To really know if that’s what they want for their lives, if they will be fit parents, if they understand that genetics is hereditary and it can negatively impact the child’s life.

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It’s one of those things that most people feel like they should do. They don’t know why, they just do. It’s just instinct and barely any thought. Even if you don’t have a stable relationship with the father, even if your marriage is in terrible shape, people still do it. Sometimes they hope a baby will bring them together but what usually happens is the baby is a new source of stress for the relationship or the father of the baby doesn’t want to be with the mother, for whatever reason. It seems like many people just want to have a “mini-me” and someone to take care of them when they’re older. That’s what bothers me the most: you’re bringing a sentient being into existence for your ego and for your well-being. Sometimes with serious genetic conditions and other factors that could make someone say that they don’t want children.

There is huge social pressure for people to have children. Your friends have kids, family members, acquaintances. When the subject is brought up, you can’t have an honest conversation with just anyone. Some people will tell that you don’t know what is it to be a woman until you’re a mother; others tell you that they’re sorry for the ones who don’t have children, for never experiencing that type of love. They just can’t respect the fact that everything exists in dualities and spectrums. If there are people who want kids, others don’t. Both are valid options. It’s a huge decision that involves a number of things. I could never raise a child, right now. I can barely take care of myself, let alone a baby. Some people think that I should magically stop to take medication and conceive. I can only imagine what that would do to me.

Things just don’t exist only in the good vs bad dichotomy. There is a spectrum. Having kids has advantages and disadvantages. Not having kids also has its pros and cons. I can be happy and fulfilled without offspring. I don’t need to be a mother to be a real woman. It’s okay not to able to raise a child and, therefore, not having a child.

It’s okay to have kids. I’m not against it or anything. The anti-natalist in me believes in your personal freedom and would never interfere with that. If you’re a mother or a father, I salute you. You are doing great and I hope you can raise free-thinking, independent and responsible adults.

I hope you are all doing well.

 

 

Valentine’s Day and music

I want to raise a glass to everyone who is single. Let’s celebrate it. It’s good to be single and, if you feel sad about it, treat yourself today. Have dinner or go out with your friends.

I will be spending Valentine’s day alone. Right now, I’m listening to cheesy 80’s songs with a friend on discord. Spandau Ballet’s True is playing. Rick Astley is coming up.

It feels good not to have sentimental responsibilities today. I’m not in a relationship so I don’t have to worry about anyone, worry about their problems. To be dependent on someone can feel good but it’s also important to be independent. To be happy and satisfied with yourself. I feel like I’ve reached that point. It feels very good and liberating to be alone. Like I’ve turned a page in my life. A new chapter in my story. I hope I can do my best now and turn my life around. Do it alone, this time. Well, mostly alone but with some help from my parents and my friends. I still have a good support network and that is very important. Some people have to do it without a support network. Everything is possible. I’ve seen people make it alone and I’ve seen people not make it with help. It all depends on who you are, what you’ve done, what you can do and what you are willing to do. It’s a combination of factors.

I would like to also raise a glass to everyone who is married or in a committed relationship. I hope you are in love and things are working well between the two (or more, who knows?) of you. Love is a beautiful thing and should be cherished. I truly hope that you’ve had or are having a wonderful Valentine’s Day.

I’ve been thinking about him today, like every other day. I think about calling him but then realize that I have too much to tell him and he will never understand. No point in calling. It’s like talking to a wall. I can’t and won’t deal with that. I need to be heard and understood. That’s the only way things can work with someone.

This is why I feel that being alone is very good for me, right now. It doesn’t have to be like this forever but I’m enjoying life as it is. Fewer feelings, expectations, responsibilities, suffering. Just me for now and my own troubles. That is enough for me. I can’t take on anyone else’s troubles. Nor do I want to. Life is hard enough as is. Focusing on myself and my work is my top priority. I want to stay away from drama, can’t deal with that anymore. It’s exhausting and highly unnecessary. I avoid it like the plague. If I don’t start it, why should I deal with it? There are ways to avoid drama. Communication is one of them. Talk things through in a civilized way, without judgment or personal attacks. Don’t aim to hurt, aim to reconcile.

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This is what I’ve been listening to. Plenty of Warpaint and alternative rock.

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I’m listening to this Spotify playlist now. I don’t know any of the artists. In the mood for new artists and different sounds. It’s the perfect soundtrack for writing.

I didn’t like the song so I’m listening to this:

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It’s an amazing album and I recommend it. Unique, catchy, melodic and raw. It can be a little melancholic at times. Bloodhail is one of my favorite songs. The vocals with the back vocals create such pleasant harmonies. It’s just a remarkable song with variety and depth. Just the way I like them.

I hope you had a great day. Much love.

How to deal with impulsiveness when you have BPD

Today I messed up. I’m feeling remorse and guilt. Someone felt bad because of me. It is what it is. Sometimes I can be garbage. When things of this nature happen, I take a good hard look at myself. It hurts and you feel bad but it’s important to do it. Understand that you should never act that way again. That there is a consequence to every action. When you have BPD, impulsivity can be an issue. Sometimes you do things that you regret later. It’s never too late to learn.

I wrote an article on How to improve your self-control but I would like to talk further about this.

According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), impulsive behaviors are a hallmark of BPD. Impulsivity is broadly defined as actions without foresight that are poorly conceived, prematurely expressed, unnecessarily risky, and inappropriate to the situation. Impulsivity is associated with undesirable, rather than desirable, outcomes.

Source: https://www.verywellmind.com/impulsive-behavior-and-bpd-425483

Everything and everyone is telling you not to do it but you still do it. It’s like an urge that you have. It happens less and less these days. I feel very disappointed in myself when it happens. So I searched for ways to be less impulsive and this is what I found:

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New research shows that people can train their brains to become less impulsive, which could pave the way for new treatments for addictions to gambling, drugs or alcohol, as well as impulse-control disorders, such as attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD).

The study from researchers at the Universities of Exeter and Cardiff assessed whether asking people to stop making simple movements while in a simulated gambling situation affected how risky or cautious they were when betting.

Source:https://psychcentral.com/news/2012/06/16/brain-can-be-trained-to-be-less-impulsive/40192.html

They found that avoiding certain actions can lessen our impulse to do them. This is very important for addiction and, as the article mentions, impulse disorders. Easier said than done, right? It works to a degree but I believe that it would work with addiction. If you are a cigarette smoker and you avoid smoking for a while and then a little more afterward and gradually increase the amount of time that you’re not smoking, that the way to go. Some people can just say “I’ve had enough of this” and just quit in one day. They probably get in that mindset of quitting that it’s sometimes so hard to achieve. For some people, that day never comes.

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I often tell other people who are suffering with intense, extreme emotions and urges that no matter how intense, extreme, or strong it is, it will pass. Not only will it pass, but you also do NOT have to follow through on any impulse to act during that time.

Often when we are in a heightened state (especially when we are emotionally sensitive), the actions we feel like taking – those immediate fixes to quell the pain and calm our nerves in that moment – end up being things that hurts us – either physically or by sabotaging our relationships and life circumstances.

Source:https://www.my-borderline-personality-disorder.com/2012/04/emotional-sensitivity-impulsiveness-and-bpd.html

I think these two paragraphs are very enlightening and they come from someone who actually has BPD. The urge will pass and we will be rewarded by our behavior, maybe not in money or anything but in our conscience. That alone is something that contributes to the well-being of a person.

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Learn more about mindfulness practices. Becoming aware of your feelings, and learning to connect your impulsiveness to your thoughts, emotions and urges will help you better control your actions. Mindfulness helps by allowing you some distance from your impulses, offering you the opportunity to choose to act upon your impulses or not. When you notice an urge, articulate that urge mentally to yourself before acting on it. For example, “I am angry that my partner just said that, and I want to criticize her.” Follow this with a more constructive response, such as, “I can try to calm down.”

Mindfulness means to focus on what’s going on inside yourself, and it may take time to notice what’s going on in your body before you act impulsively rather than afterwards.

Source: https://www.wikihow.com/Be-Less-Impulsive

Yoga or daily exercise also helps. I find that when I was doing meditation every day, impulsive acts weren’t happening so often. I guess I have to go back to meditating every day. I notice that I am more irritable and that I have less patience which is somewhat good, in one or two senses. Having less patience is negative overall.

Understand how impulsivity functions in your life. Sometimes being impulsive can have positive as well as negative effects. For example, if you have a hard time making decisions, you may find yourself making last minute decisions as a means of avoiding the anxiety you feel when trying to make a thoughtful decision.

  • If you’re experiencing benefits from acting impulsively, try to find more effective ways of achieving this benefit.
  • Remember that you can still be spontaneous even if you’re less impulsive. Being less impulsive doesn’t mean your life will be dull and conventional. It just means that you’ll be more in control of what you choose to spend your money, time, and attention on.

Source:https://www.wikihow.com/Be-Less-Impulsive

Dissecting our problems, alone or with a therapist, is always a good idea. We need to understand how impulsivity functions in our lives. And that last part is very important. I notice that some people with BPD like having BPD. I’m not judging, it’s that I’ve always wanted to not have it and so do other people. You would still be a wonderful person without BPD. Same goes for impulsiveness. Even if it has positive effects on your life, try to avoid it. There are better ways to things.

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Engage in activities that will calm you down. Calming activities vary person to person, but might include listening to guided meditations, calming music, or doing deep breathing exercises. Getting more relaxed can help you avoid acting impulsively..

Source:https://www.wikihow.com/Be-Less-Impulsive

This is an excellent idea and I will definitely do this. Guided meditations are so helpful for so many different goals and situations. You just need headphones and your phone, tablet or pc. Find a quiet place, dim the lights or turn them off, get a cozy blanket and lay down on the floor, or a sofa or bed. Alternatively, you can sit down on a chair or sit on the lotus position on the floor, with your back straight. Deep breathing exercises are very good as well, though I don’t it often. Mindfulness or breathing meditations are my go-to ones.

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Consider cognitive-behavioral therapy. Cognitive-behavioral therapy, or CBT, helps a person focus on connecting their thoughts and feelings with their behaviors. CBT is a common treatment for anxiety and impulse disorders, among others. The goal of CBT is to identify the thoughts that often result in impulsive activity.

  • Impulsive behavior is often the result of automatic thoughts, which are the thoughts that your mind produces as an immediate reaction to certain situations. These thoughts can be negative and may lead you to make poor decisions. CBT helps you to identify these automatic thought patterns and reframe them in new ways.
  • A therapist or behavioral specialist can help you explore the ways that CBT might work in your life!

Source: https://www.wikihow.com/Be-Less-Impulsive

CBT for some cases, DBT (which was based on CBT) for people with BPD. I found that DBT was very helpful and I was less impulsive at the time. If you don’t have the money to do DBT but you have enough for a regular therapist, you can ask your therapist to do exercises with you, by using a DBT book of your choice.  If you can’t really pay for sessions, try the book. There are used ones on Amazon that are cheaper and ebooks are even cheaper. If there’s a will, there’s a way. There are other options but you don’t need me to tell you, do you?

In the end, my advice is all of the above and an emphasis on meditation. There are many types of meditation so you should be able to find one that suits you best.

Are you impulsive? How do you deal with it? Share your tips in the comment section.

I hope you are all okay.

Reblog: Why Routines Are Important for Your Mental Health — The Life of A Therapist

Routine (noun.) a sequence of actions regularly followed; a fixed program Routines. Most commonly, we hear and refer to routines when we are talking about young children. I often hear parents talking about not wanting to get their toddler off their routine, because then they become difficult (and usually cranky!).

via Why Routines Are Important for Your Mental Health — The Life of A Therapist

Yesterday And Today

Yesterday, I woke up at 10 pm. It was impossible to get up. Sometimes, depression hits me like a truck. I sleep and sleep and sleep. Get up tired, at unorthodox hours. That in turn, messes up my sleep schedule. Then, my mental health starts deteriorating. I get more depressed. It’s a vicious cycle that we should break as soon as possible. Staying up all day so you fall asleep at a decent time. That’s what I’m doing today. I’m exhausted but this is something I need to do so I’m pushing through.

Today was a beautiful and warm day. I was outside and it was no nice. Sadness is still lurking in my mind. I have to accept what I can’t change and move on. No matter how hard it is, no matter how much you want to do or feel something else. I know what is best for me and he is not it.

I could say a lot more but I won’t. There’s this need to keep him in the past. At least, that’s how I feel. if I write about him, he’s present. I don’t want to feel his presence.

So, I’m just here, minding my own business, writing and listening to music. I listened to Grouper and now I’m listening to empire! empire! (i was a lonely estate). Emotional music helps me to cope. I’m practicing self-care and will meditate tonight. Affirmations have also helped me. Yesterday, I was feeling terrible. I listened to some positive affirmations, at least for 40 minutes. It was very soothing and I’m much better today. I do all kinds of affirmations, except for abundance and things of that nature. It doesn’t feel right to do that but, if you do, more power to you and I hope it works. I use Insight Timer and I recommend searching for affirmations and try the ones that are done by Keneth Soares. It’s very reassuring and a great way to fall asleep. Sometimes we need to hear certain things, in order to feel better. Things that we forget, like being grateful, loving ourselves, etc. If you want to try meditation, I made a little guide on how to start meditating with Insight Timer.

Now, I’m going to head to Crowdin and practice my translation skills. Soon, I will be working in that field. I have to be prepared.

I wish you all a wonderful night. Take care.

Last Week in Music

This is what I listened to last week, according to Last.Fm.

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I made at least three great discoveries this week: Grouper. True Widow and Tommy Genesis. Check out these artists and you’ll see my most listened albums below.

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Cujo is an alias of Amon Tobin and this album is very good. I’ve been following his career almost since the beginning. He is a true artist. His music is very good. There’s a song called Fat Ass Joint in this album. I really like it. It’s very chill and funky. In my opinion, if you enjoy alternative electronic music, you should listen to his albums.

Melanchole, by Salvia Palth, is very good as well. It’s totally s a d b o y music but I like it. My favorite song is I Was All Over Her. I play that song every day. It’s such a beautiful and touching track. I don’t know why I like it so much but I do.

That Massive Attack album is a compilation and it’s a good start if you’ve never listened to them.

Ison is a very innovative and good album.

Hospice by The Antlers is one of my favorite albums in the whole world. It’s so soothing and perfect. A must-listen. It portrays joy, sadness, many different emotions. I love the vocals. Peter Silberman has a very unique voice. That is very important to me. Unique voices, with the right instrumentals, create one of a kind experiences for the listener. It’s not your average formatted, mainstream, Idol type of voice. The Voice, Idol, I really can’t stand those shows. Always the same songs, by the same artists, that a million other people have sung before. The Antlers is out of the ordinary and I recommend you to listen to this album.

Fossor, In Pieces by Cemeteries, is a good album. It’s fairly recent and I didn’t realize until yesterday that they had released a new album. May favorite Cemeteries album is still Barrow. I like almost all the songs in that album. Cemeteries is one of those bands that you keep coming back to. Their sound is haunting, hypnotic and ethereal. A sort of light heaviness or heavy lightness. It’s amazing. The Wilderness is my second favorite album of them. Summer Smoke is on that album and that is a song that is impossible to forget.

My favorite songs were the following:

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Well, The first song is an Alan Watts lecture from Youtube.  It’s a really good one. Alan Watts is very eloquent and he says mindblowing things.

I recommend all of these songs and these artists.

Happy listening!

Reblog: Eight Undeniable Truths That Are Going to Change Your Life — Cristian Mihai

The truth does not change based on your inability to accept it. I do my best to live life in a way that I am aware of what I do, while also trying not to chase things that are outside of my control. Here are some of those truths that help me stay in control […]

via Eight Undeniable Truths That Are Going to Change Your Life — Cristian Mihai

Late night thoughts

Things come to an end. Sometimes unexpectedly. Other times, not so much. I was expecting this. It hurts but I’m okay. I’ve been through this before.

I feel sad but relieved. Things turned toxic fast. It happens. I have to accept it and move on. I don’t want to lose more peace of mind over this. I don’t want to feel as disturbed as I have been feeling. From passion to hate. It’s too much to handle for me and I need to cut him off of my life.

Music is so soothing. I love to be in the arms of a song. Beach Fossils are amazing. Such lovely music. Music to listen in the car, on a sunny day, while you travel to the beach.

I’m losing weight. I feel lighter and my pants are starting to sag. I’ve been avoiding unhealthy food. Exercising is also in my plans but I haven’t started yet. There are a few apps for it, though I noticed that most of them have beginners classes that are too intense for me. I’m really out of shape. Exercise is great for people with depression, which is ironic. People who are really depressed don’t have the energy or will to do it.

My plan is to start with very light exercises, like a stretching routine. Do it every day and after a week use a different app for beginners exercises and I’ll only do 5 minutes. After a week, I’ll increase it to 8 or 10 minutes. Baby steps all the way but I’ll get there. I will be sharing my progress with you.

I feel better now. A little sad still but it’s manageable. I just want to forget about this and move on. Trusting new people will be harder, from now on. There’s something in me that wants to be left alone. I just hope this doesn’t get in the way of my recovery. Take what I learned and use it, is what I’m going to do.

I can’t go back a few steps or many steps. After every disappointment, I get tired of people and tend to isolate myself more. Even from my parents. I can’t let it happen now. My parents will be the reason why I get up every morning, take a shower and do whatever needs to be done around the house and things that I have to do outside.

This is the fifth year that I’ve been this way and I need change. This year, I’ll take care of myself and others, get a job, go out more, etc. Writing and translating are a part of my plans. My skills have been improving, I feel more confident about them.

I have to use the dialectic approach to my situation. Accept it but also understand that it needs to change. There is no other way to deal with it, that I can think of. Peace is something that people who are in my situation really need. I can live in peace with this life and fight for a better one.

It’s not easy to do at first but you will understand it. Things are complex, much more complex than judgemental people think. Humans have an enormous depth.

I hope you are okay. Much love.

Image courtesy of Pixabay.

A corpse at my door

I’m a bit disturbed today. When I woke up, my mother told me that my best friend’s father had died. She had recently told me that he was in the hospital and wasn’t okay. Today, he died.

I went outside to have coffee with a friend. As I was leaving the building, where he was lying on the ground. Lifeless. A corpse at my door. How odd.

How fragile is life? One second and you’re gone. Today, her father died but it could’ve been mine or yours. There’s this disquiet within me. This fear and melancholy.

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He died on a beautiful, sunny day. His departure made this day sadder and his family poorer. Dying is like diving into a sea of oblivion. At least that’s how I imagine it.

It’s hard to imagine something so mysterious. We sometimes forget death, until it happens to someone you know. Then it’s there, it’s real. Almost palpable.

So therefore in the course of nature once we have ceased to see magic in the world anymore, we’re no longer fulfilling nature’s game of being aware of itself. There’s no point in it and so we’re done. And so something else comes which gets an entirely new point of view. It is therefore not natural for us to wish to perpetuate life indefinitely, but we live in a culture where it has been rubbed into us in every conceivable way that to die is a terrible thing. And that is a tremendous disease from which our culture in particular suffers.

-Alan Watts

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On days when someone dies, I like to think about that. How it could be a release and the beginning of something new. Something to be celebrated and seen in a peaceful way. See it as just another step in our journey. But it’s hard. We bond with people and most of us have a very special bond with our parents. You never want to see them go.  It’s hard and counterintuitive to celebrate death but the paradigm will shift. It always does. We just don’t know how or when. Until then, we will continue to see death as dark and mysterious. As a tragedy.

 

Images courtesy of Pixabay.