Everybody Deserves Empathy

Mental Health Awareness Month but not if people act out and mess up.

Everybody is against child abuse but a lot of people don’t know that it’s one of the biggest causes of BPD and that we should be given more empathy. At least, in words, as in “this person is suffering, acting out”.

“Copy and paste this status for suicide prevention” and yet, one of the conditions that has a high rate of it is BPD and many people don’t stand for us, even actively hate us.

“I have X but I have never done Y”. This is a formula of sentences that I see all the time. People want to be validated as “the good mental illness sufferer” because they already suffer enough discrimination. They want to disassociate from the behavior of the other person who also suffers from the condition. But, many times, that formula applies to them, too.

There should be more empathy. Mental illness can be extremely messy.

If it interferes with your life, it might interfere with your judgment. You do things that you might have not done otherwise. And maybe the commenter had a bit more discernment, which is a blessing.

Childhood can turn a normal kid into a not-so-nice person. They still deserve empathy. At least look at things like tragedies for both sides. The tragedy of a good person that could’ve been and never was, doomed to a jail cell.

They never wanted that. Had they known better, and been treated better, maybe things would’ve been different. We aren’t all dealt the same hand, the same DNA, the same spirit. But everyone deserves compassion.

My friends who work in education have seen sweet neglected kids turn into hardened criminals and they tried to support them. But it wasn’t enough.

They needed a warm embrace from a loving father that wasn’t there. Some more money to eat before school, a mother who cared, etc. And that hurt no one can take away from them.

Later in life, if they commit a crime, we should feel ok when they are caught but also feel the tragedy of another wasted life because of neglect, lack of love. But his parents probably also suffered from the same. It is an unending chain of events.

So who do we blame?

“I am X but I’ve never done Y”. You were one of the lucky ones, cherish that. Feel grateful but try to feel sadness for the one who did, for the wasted life, for the potential abuse they also suffered from.

People with cluster B personalities are hard to deal with many times but this is something that happened to us, not something that we consciously decided to do.

The narcissist didn’t decide to have a warped perception of reality. He just does. He didn’t choose to have those interpersonal relationship dynamics and life in general, he just believes that is what he should do. Though some are starting to look for help because their condition is destroying everything. Like us with BPD also ask for help because of the generalized chaos in our lives.

So it would be good to not follow the crowd and criticize so much. All the outrage for people’s actions. Tragedies that maybe could’ve been avoided by love and so on early in life, in the formative years. So is it fair or useful to add another comment to 100 comments blasting someone who is acting out, suffering, and shaped by trauma?

Trauma is so common. If you want people to understand yours, it’s only fair to try to be more gentle with others. At least, not add to the social media mob.

Obviously, one has cases that upset them more than others. Situations that affect them personally. In my case, I was able to feel compassion even then but I am like that, it helps me. You don’t have to, nor is it necessary. There are situations and then there are SITUATIONS. So I’m not guilt-tripping people into feeling sorry for everyone but everyone has a story.

And honestly, I feel empathy for everyone because I believe most people are good when they are born. Before their tragedies. And that makes me sad. It will always make me sad.

A

5

Aging Gracefully

Oh, to age gracefully. How many times have you heard this term? It seems that we hear/read it more and more these days, as people seem to be obsessed with physical beauty, cosmetic surgery, non-invasive procedures, etc.

How many times do we see celebrities be praised for how flawless they still look when they are older or put down for how older they look than their age? Don’t body shame, body positivity but that is okay. Especially if we don’t like the person. However, if the people of the opposing political wing do it, they are evil and low.

People rejoice in seeing people looking not that good and not youthful. Like that is a crime. It’s not. Life is like that sometimes and they probably just decided to not enhance themselves surgically or in some way along those lines.

So many people who are praised, just enhanced their appearance artificially, which is also shamed many times, especially when it’s botched. That enhanced appearance or great genes are the definition of aging gracefully. And I hate it.

It’s fine if people surgically transform themselves to feel better. It’s also fine if they don’t. Why do we deny nature and normal things up until this point, like wrinkles? And what does it have to do with grace?

For me, aging gracefully has much more to do with actions than beauty. Beauty in actions. And we demean people full of grace, who wear their wrinkles like jewelry, unapologetically, like it’s almost a character flaw.

That culture, which we contribute to, comes back to us later in life. Not all of us have money for procedures or courage or whatever is necessary. And then it’s not funny anymore. Then it’s depressing and we want empathy. Many times, we are unable to completely give it to ourselves and struggle to accept aging.

I don’t judge people who apply botox but I think that sometimes it’s a bit nicer to have some movement on your face. Even if you have wrinkles. Again, not shaming anyone, it’s an aesthetic choice that doesn’t concern anyone but the person who does it.

I plan to do some sort of procedure for my skin imperfections, that is something that I’ve always wanted. Something non-invasive but I’ll keep my little wrinkles. Obviously, I care about the aesthetic side a bit too, mainly because of first impressions. If some imperfection makes you feel upset or sad or uncomfortable, why not change it? However, you don’t need procedures to age gracefully. You don’t need to risk your life, especially going under the knife, when many times, you could use a part of that money on a bit of therapy, which could help.

We see people starting on one procedure and ending up doing several ones or even many. There is no such thing as perfection, nor do we need it to be happy or to be graceful. But I get the pressure, we get comments. “You’re old”, etc. Ageism is getting worse and worse. But I believe that it’s important to push back by not conforming to the “dictatorship” and unpleasant comments of other people.

It’s okay if that’s not for you, we always need to pick our battles. I know that you are helping others or making society better in other ways (if you read my blog, I know that you are great! Hehe). So it’s not a loss, it’s just a sensitive issue. We all have them. Like me with my skin.

But my wrinkles are not an issue for me. I don’t want to age gracefully. I want to age however I age, it doesn’t matter. Gracefully, “uglyly”. My actions will hopefully be graceful, beautiful and kind, as much as possible. My face and body, nothing is guaranteed but I will try to keep loving myself. Keep working out, do my little skin care. Just basic self-care.

But aging gracefully? Whatever happens, happens.